Day 111 of the Ken Cuban Presidency

[El Presidente]

Havana has its own beat in the morning. The hustle and bustle of people pretending to work seeped through the VP office of Havana Club where I focused all my energy to open one bloodshot eye. My office was the last stand of entertainment from the previous nights Habanos gala opening. Empty bottles of Santiago rum lay strewn on the floor, ashtrays were full of the new “Flying Pig” sacrificed to the Gods, ken was asleep on the leather couch in his underwear and a “ post it note” on his head, I was on the desk..... thankfully fully clothed.

Foreign Minister Lisa Goreta walked in the door.

Lisa “Get your sorry arses into the showers. You are both a bloody disgrace”

Maximus “Are you joining me?”

Lisa “ You can’t afford me”

Ken “Did I really say “Hola Amigos y Ormigas”

Lisa “ That was nothing, your version of ‘Dancing in the Dark” ......in Spanglish, brought the house down”

Maximus “ Did we pull it off Lise?”

Lisa “ They love him Maximus, between his dancing and his setting the Armani jacket on fire with a cigar....no one has seen the like of it since Berlusconi.”

Maximus “and Springsteen?...the money?”

Lisa “ no problem...the concert was free.....”Presidente Doofus here.... in his inebriated state... made him Cuban Ambassador to the US”

Maximus “Lise.....read Kens “Post it Note”

Lisa “Dear Presidente...You owe me a fridge.” Signed ....Miss Cuba.

And so another day in the Ken Presidency started. As I meandered in a haze to the shower with Lise barking instructions it dawned on me this unique Presidency was really the Woodstock of politics.

It was 11am on the deck of the Presidential Palace where the inner cabinet met for a planning meeting. The ubiquitous bottle of Santiago and a box of 1994 Connoisseur No 1’s were on the table. Presidente Ken, Maximus, Hamlet, Jose and Lisa were in attendance.

Maximus “Presidente Ken, Lisa will take the Military parade review at 2pm”

Ken “ No problems....I hate guns...but why?”

Hamlet “because you salute like Benny Hill”

Maximus “ Jose....any luck in finding a body double for Ken?”

Jose “No Maximus, we thought we had the perfect candidate but upon further inquiry, Rodney Dangerfield passed away in 2004”

Lisa “ We have to move the “Red Phone” from the Presidente’s office”

Maximus “Why?’

Lisa “everytime Kim Jong-Il calls ken answers “ Hewo....Wucky Panda Chineee Westwant”....and hangs up.”

Ken “ Not my fault....He scares me”

Jose “one more thing....Time Magazine has sent us the proposed cover of the next issue”.

Maximus “What’s it say”

Jose “President ken......Freedom Fighter of Fruitcake?” the report over all is not bad until Ken confused “Driving the Malecon” with “Driving the Maricon” as his favourite past time.”

Maximus “Hamlet...stop laughing. Jose, call the editors and offer them a months holiday in Havana in order to scrap that article.”

Lisa “We need to prep President Ken for next week’s meeting with Obama”

Ken “ No need...I am ready. I plan to wear my Washington Redskins Jersey! I have also planned that as he descends Air Force One the band will play McCartney & Wonder’s “Ebony and Ivory” I have been practicing for a duet with Obama at the gala dinner “Ebony, ivory.... living in perfect harmony” I have e-mailed him the lyrics ....but he must be busy as he has not responded”

Maximus “Lisa....vet Presidente Kens future e-mails”

To be continued.

[mkz]

Hewo....Wucky Panda Chineee Westwant

[Smooth]

LOL!!!!!!!

[asmith]

It gets better each week, the reports that is, not Ken's presidency.

[kjellfrick]

Great stuff again! You should podcast it, using your own voices!

[Tampa1257]

OMG, I am laughing so hard right now after reading this, especially:

"Jose “President ken......Freedom Fighter of Fruitcake?” the report over all is not bad until Ken confused “Driving the Malecon” with “Driving the Maricon” as his favourite past time.”

Bet that President ken is the life of the party, just not sure I want to attend that kind of party!

[Ken Gargett]

lisa is away and you have time for this? never again will i believe the busy crap.

and we have a new national anthem for cuba - a glorious boss song with a slight change

"born near the USA".

and tell miss cuba to take the fridge out of petty cash.

[tigger]

LOL @ both the new installment, and Ken's new anthem!

[thechenman]

Loved it Prez...keep up the great work. Good job working Lise into the story line, still waiting on Smithy though...

[Colt45]

At least El Títere still had his eyebrows in the morning.

[laficion]

Too much Rob, when are you guys shoting the video ?? YES

[Ken Gargett]

Too much Rob, when are you guys shoting the video ?? YES

probloem is that smithy won't venture more than 300 metres from his cave when it comes to shooting videos. it would be one big temper tantrum trying to get him to video in havana. but fun.

[jquest63]

Sounds like President Ken's approval rating is rising! Maybe, as the great Gloria Gaynor sang "I Will Survive"

[kanuna]

Thanks Pres for the post after today needed a good laugh!!!! lmao

To President Ken, I salute you Sir!

[jackohalloran]

hahaha im only reading these now. Very funny