El Presidente Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Coming up to school holidays and some long sessions Bass fishing with my oldest Ben who is 15. I have been warned by my saintly wife that any advice I could impart would be....well...bad. Admittedly, of late my advice has been a little brutal....ie "Watch a repeat of "The Body Snatchers" and understand pre and post marriage female transformation" In order to be fair handed and to add some balance......list here the best piece of female advice you have ever been told. I am sure there are some gems out there that I can borrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbrody Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 "Softer" and "Slower" were two that come to mind... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Presidente Posted June 11, 2009 Author Share Posted June 11, 2009 "Softer" and "Slower" were two that come to mind... That sets the tone..... Looking for "real" advice I can actually give !LOL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smll2 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Prez, I googled this on your behalf...NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolivr Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 LOL smll2. Especially the bit about cats... My $0.02 worth. A good conversation with a woman is where the man does no more than 10% of the talking. Oh, and never, ever volunteer details about the cost of cigars. And 'no that does not make your bum look big" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PointSource Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I would tell him to be honest...95 percent of the time. Women are risky. They sometimes can provide great return...but the costs are very high, IMO. They are very complex creatures ...and I just simply refuse to get involved with them on a long term basis. Note: I just listened to Bruce Springsteen's "The River" ...so maybe that has some effect! LOL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smll2 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Rob, Do you see me working LOL....I don't know how to upload You Tube direct...but this clip is spot on..IMHO...this is all he needs to know. I have forwarded the same to my 18 Year old Gorilla. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cabaiguan juan Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I am trying to maintain my bachelorhood mannerisms and attitude. The wife is trying to "refine" me. To me refining means Gentleman Jack over Black Label. The most common bit of advice is that the toilette seat is supposed to be in the down position. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shrink Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Juan, a lot of us can relate: I am trying to maintain my bachelorhood mannerisms and attitude... The wife is trying to "refine" me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jevb Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 best advice i reckon you can give. "its great to go out with a girl and have a bit of fun but always make sure you keep your mates cause if you end up with neither its a sad story!" in short some sort of bro's before ho's speech to put it in 15 year old terms besides the kids only 15, tell him not to drink too much, always use protection and get out there! its ok to be creative too! just remember, if its not on.... its NOT ON! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 One from my father, now touching 90. I'm not sayng I necessarily agree with it.. "Where there's geese there's sh!t, where there's women there's talk". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Never let a woman near a machine that doesn't have a rinse cycle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warren Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Here's a couple that come to mind. Firstly I was told by a wise old man that a Gentleman always takes the weight on his elbows. Secondly. Women love sincerity, if you can learn to fake that you've got it made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cadillacdoc Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 If it has **** or Tires it will cause you problems Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strayvector Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Only two words matter, "Yes, dear." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joeypots Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 The secret to a happy marriage? Give in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelby07 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 If it has **** or Tires it will cause you problems If it flies, floats or fornicates, it's cheaper to rent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aavkk Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Happy wife=Happy Life The key is truly not caring about Winning an argument but not being too complacent so that she sees you truly dont care. If she sees you arent arguing just so she will shut up you have much bigger problems. Its a fine line but one that needs to be walked to keep your sanity. Thats about all I've got. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fryguy Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 El Prez.......This is one my dad gave me when I was a young fella having girl problems: Son...You will never figure women out, and when and if you finally ever do, you'll be too old to give a damn! Words of wisdom! Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeromeroselli Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Be best friends, that's worked for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colt45 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I have been warned by my saintly wife that any advice I could impart would be....well...bad. I can't believe you're still married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Van55 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 As OJ Simpson says, "Women: can't live without them; can't kill them." A man was walking along a California beach when he spotted a bottle stuck in the sand. He picked up the bottle and brushed it off. Suddenly the bottle opened and a genie sprang out. "For freeing me from the confines of that bottle, I shall grant you one wish -- anything you desire," said the genie. "Wow, thanks!" the guy said. "I love Hawaii, but I am deathly afraid of flying and suffer the worst seasickness in the world. So I wish for a highway from here to Hawaii." The genie responded, "Impossible! A highway to Hawaii would be a huge engineering headache, not to mention the disruption to shipping traffic in the Pacific. It just can't be done. Wish for something else." So the guy thought a bit and said, " I wish to understand the female mind." The genie said, "Would you like two lanes or four lanes for that highway?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smk819 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Don't trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
audio1der Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 "Women; you can't live with them and you can't kill'em..." (from 'True lies') Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anacostiakat Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 I do not believe I have ever been given any good advice regarding women. . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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