Ken Gargett Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 mate sent me these bits from tv and radio quizes in england. QUIZMANIA (ITV) Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with 'T'. Contestant: Doctor. Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango. Contestant: Oh, right . . . (pause) . . Doctor. DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM) Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year? Contestant: I don't know, I need a clue. Kelly: OK. What do beans come in? Contestant: Cartons? BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is? Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point. Theakston: There's a clue in the title. Contestant: Leicester. BBC NORFOLK Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? Contestant: I don't know. White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow? Contestant: Arm. White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...? Contestant: Strong. White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name? Contestant: Louis. White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World? Contestant: Frank Sinatra? LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS) Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy? Contestant: France. Trelinski: France is another country. Try again. Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm. Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon? Contestant: Sorry, I don't know. Trelinski: Just guess a country then. Contestant: Paris. UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2) Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'? Contestant: Homosexuals. Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you. THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2) Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party? Contestant: The Conservative Party. BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON) DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope? Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish? THE WEAKEST LINK Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet? Contestant: Jool carriageway? UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name? Contestant: Goosey? GWR FM (Bristol) Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963? Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then. RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND) Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The ...? Caller: Mohicans. QUIZMANIA Greg Scott: We're looking for a word that goes in front of 'clock'. Contestant: Grandfather. Scott: Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else. Contestant: Panda. PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER) Phil: What's 11 squared? Contestant: I don't know. Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle. Contestant: Is it five? RICHARD AND JUDY Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman? A: Forrest Gump. RICHARD AND JUDY Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live? Contestant: Er . . . Leslie: He makes bread . . . Contestant: Er . . . Leslie: He makes cakes . . . Contestant: Kipling Street? MAGIC 52 (NORTHEAST ENGLAND) Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated? Contestant: Erm . . . Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964. Contestant: 1965? SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV) Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held? Contestant: Six. Tufnell: Higher! Contestant: Five. FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV) Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word - CHED and PIT. Team: Chedpit. LINCS FM PHONE-IN Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? Contestant: Barcelona. Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain. RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total? Contestant: 23. NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM) Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest? Contestant (long pause): Er, it's not in Scotland, is it? THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT) Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter 'e'. Contestant: Ghana. Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean. Contestant: New Zealand. NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1) Question: What is the world's largest continent? Contestant: The Pacific ROCK FM (PRESTON) Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci. Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV) Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918? Contestant: Magna Carta. JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC) O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry? Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er ... er .. three? NATIONAL LOTTERY Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and what? Contestant: Jelly. RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2) Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory? Contestant (after long deliberation): Erm, Kellogg's? BLIND DATE (ITV) Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen. Boy: Charlotte Bronte. CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL) Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna? Caller: Japan. Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again. Caller: Er ... Mexico? DOG EAT DOG (BBC1) Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord of the Rings? Contestant: Enid Blyton PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE) Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last? Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days. NATIONAL LOTTERY Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what? Contestant: Basketball. NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place? Contestant (after pause): Pearl Harbor ? DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO) Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels? Contestant: Holland? Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet. Contestant: Iceland? Ireland? Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel? Contestant: No. PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible? Contestant: Er . . . Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . . Contestant: Blimey? Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . . Contestant: (Silence) Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . . Contestant: Walked? NATIONAL LOTTERY Dale Winton: Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea:a) Irish Sea, English Channel, c) North Sea? Contestant: Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, Dale. It's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea. THE VAULT Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time? Contestant: Nostalgia. LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB) Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes? Contestant: Jewish. Presenter: That's close enough. BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1 Chris Moyles: Which 'S' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes? Contestant: Ummm . . . Moyles: It begins with 'S' and rhymes with 'perm'. Contestant: Shark. STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2) Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play? Contestant: Jesus.
Guest Warren Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 Ken you bastard , now I have to go change my incontinence pad. That Jesus guy can do anything can't he. Walk on watch , swing through the jungle.
SmokinAl Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 » That Jesus guy can do anything can't he. Walk on watch , swing through the » jungle. Funny. I feel much smarter this morning for having read that.
Guest Warren Posted June 4, 2008 Posted June 4, 2008 » » That Jesus guy can do anything can't he. Walk on watch , swing through » the » » jungle. » » Funny. I feel much smarter this morning for having read that. And aren't you glad Hitler was in the conservative party. Can you imagine how bad it would have been if he had been a fascist:lookaround:
shrink Posted June 5, 2008 Posted June 5, 2008 » And aren't you glad Hitler was in the conservative party. Can you imagine » how bad it would have been if he had been a fascist:lookaround: I'm just thankful that he wasn't a Labour PM.
Guest Warren Posted June 5, 2008 Posted June 5, 2008 » » And aren't you glad Hitler was in the conservative party. Can you » imagine » » how bad it would have been if he had been a fascist:lookaround: » » I'm just thankful that he wasn't a Labour PM. He couldn't have been any worse than Margret Thatcher. Could you imagine being Dennis.:crying:
Claudius Posted June 5, 2008 Posted June 5, 2008 > and they wonder why they lost an empire Err... who's head of state of Australia, again? :-D :-P
El Presidente Posted June 5, 2008 Posted June 5, 2008 » > and they wonder why they lost an empire » » Err... who's head of state of Australia, again? :-D :-P Low blow Claudius....very low blow
winelover Posted June 5, 2008 Posted June 5, 2008 It's true, you'll be surprised just how stupid some contestants are on tv. I saw a clip of 'Celebrity Love Island', and some of the contestants couldn't even place Africa on a map. You'll be surprised just how stupid people are.
MoeCizlak Posted June 9, 2008 Posted June 9, 2008 » mate sent me these bits from tv and radio quizes in england. » » » » QUIZMANIA (ITV) » » Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with 'T'. » Contestant: Doctor. » Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango. » Contestant: Oh, right . . . (pause) . . Doctor. » » DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM) » » Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every » year? » Contestant: I don't know, I need a clue. » Kelly: OK. What do beans come in? » Contestant: Cartons? » » BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) » » Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is? » Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point. » Theakston: There's a clue in the title. » Contestant: Leicester. » » BBC NORFOLK » » Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? » Contestant: I don't know. » White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your » hand and your elbow? » Contestant: Arm. » White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...? » Contestant: Strong. » White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name? » Contestant: Louis. » White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song » What A Wonderful World? » Contestant: Frank Sinatra? » » LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS) » » Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy? » Contestant: France. » Trelinski: France is another country. Try again. » Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm. » Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is » the Parthenon? » Contestant: Sorry, I don't know. » Trelinski: Just guess a country then. » Contestant: Paris. » » UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2) » » Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and » 'cheesemongers'? » Contestant: Homosexuals. » Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset » with you. » » THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2) » » Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all » written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative » Party? » Contestant: The Conservative Party. » » BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON) » » DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope? » Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish? » » THE WEAKEST LINK » » Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet? » Contestant: Jool carriageway? » » UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE » » Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name? » Contestant: Goosey? » » GWR FM (Bristol) » » Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963? » Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then. » » RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND) » » Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about » pensioners: Last Of The ...? » Caller: Mohicans. » » QUIZMANIA » » Greg Scott: We're looking for a word that goes in front of 'clock'. » Contestant: Grandfather. » Scott: Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else. » Contestant: Panda. » » PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER) » » Phil: What's 11 squared? » Contestant: I don't know. » Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle. » Contestant: Is it five? » » RICHARD AND JUDY » » Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman? » A: Forrest Gump. » » RICHARD AND JUDY » » Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live? » Contestant: Er . . . » Leslie: He makes bread . . . » Contestant: Er . . . » Leslie: He makes cakes . . . » Contestant: Kipling Street? » » MAGIC 52 (NORTHEAST ENGLAND) » » Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated? » Contestant: Erm . . . » Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964. » Contestant: 1965? » » SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV) » » Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held? » Contestant: Six. » Tufnell: Higher! » Contestant: Five. » » FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV) » » Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word - CHED » and PIT. » Team: Chedpit. » » LINCS FM PHONE-IN » » Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? » Contestant: Barcelona. » Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. » Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain. » » RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW » » Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total? » Contestant: 23. » » NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM) » » Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest? » Contestant (long pause): Er, it's not in Scotland, is it? » » THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT) » » Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the » letter 'e'. » Contestant: Ghana. » Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean. » Contestant: New Zealand. » » NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1) » » Question: What is the world's largest continent? » Contestant: The Pacific » » ROCK FM (PRESTON) » » Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a » famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci. » Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? » » THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV) » » Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918? » Contestant: Magna Carta. » » JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC) » » O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry? » Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er ... er .. » three? » » NATIONAL LOTTERY » » Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and what? » Contestant: Jelly. » » RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2) » » Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess » of victory? » Contestant (after long deliberation): Erm, Kellogg's? » » BLIND DATE (ITV) » » Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen. » Boy: Charlotte Bronte. » » CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL) » » Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna? » Caller: Japan. » Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, » I can let you try again. » Caller: Er ... Mexico? » » DOG EAT DOG (BBC1) » » Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord of the Rings? » Contestant: Enid Blyton » » PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE) » » Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last? » Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days. » » NATIONAL LOTTERY » » Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what? » Contestant: Basketball. » » NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ » » Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place? » Contestant (after pause): Pearl Harbor ? » » DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO) » » Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels? » Contestant: Holland? » Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet. » Contestant: Iceland? Ireland? » Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel? » Contestant: No. » » PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) » » Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible? » Contestant: Er . . . » Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . . » Contestant: Blimey? » Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . . » Contestant: (Silence) » Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . . » Contestant: Walked? » » NATIONAL LOTTERY » » Dale Winton: Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea:a) » Irish Sea, English Channel, c) North Sea? » Contestant: Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, » Dale. It's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea. » » THE VAULT » » Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer » can fall asleep at any time? » Contestant: Nostalgia. » » LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB) » » Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes? » Contestant: Jewish. » Presenter: That's close enough. » » BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1 » » Chris Moyles: Which 'S' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes? » Contestant: Ummm . . . » Moyles: It begins with 'S' and rhymes with 'perm'. » Contestant: Shark. » » STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2) » » Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging » character clad only in a loincloth did he play? » Contestant: Jesus. Panda. I simply cannot stop laughing at that.
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