EAR: Addictions and Addictive Personalities

[El Presidente]

EAR= Email Assistance Required. 

 

.... you appear to be a person of solid vices and if I may say, what people would refer to as having an addictive personality. I am similarly inclined but there is little chance that I could walk away from three months of vice and then stroll back in without seemingly a care. Rob, have you always been able to do this? If so, are there some protocols or non-negotiables that you undertake? I would love to hear your thoughts and those from your members. Turning 38 shortly and constantly battling the excesses of most things addictive.

 

 

I had a chuckle at this one. Addictions (I prefer the word "cravings") in one way or another have always been part of my life. I think it is part of most lives in one form or another. 

I have always struggled with the word addiction. It is as if you have no control. Personally, the loss of control is a line in the sand that once crossed would crush my self belief. I am sure I have touched (if not crossed) that line a few times in my life. 

I don't see my cravings as a nemesis but rather a part of my personality. The recent 100 days sabbatical was simply my way of training my psyche...no different to how one trains muscles at the gym or mind through reading various texts. 

I don't believe there is a one method fits all.  

I am happy to go further down the rabbit hole but I know that there is much experience on this board in relation to this subject. 

Share your thoughts. 

 

 

[Wookie]

Sounds like you had a partner in crime (Diana) who took the plunge with you. Whenever I take a break from my passions (er…excesses) my wife is there to go along for the boring ride. We always end up healthier, fitter, etc. But then we are ready to slowly take the plunge again. If your EAR guy has serious issues and no support he may want to talk to someone professional. 

[benfica_77]

It's important to set checks and make sure you don't cross them. I don't drink when I am too mad/sad and i'm looking for relief. I set rules for gambling (only super bowl and two fantasy football leagues). I create boundaries for myself and play within them but to do so you need self awareness on what you know can be a slippery slope and know where to draw the line.

For a long time I wanted to compete in a bodybuilding show. I was naïve that I could do it naturally, I almost signed up with a coach that I am certain I would have been on the sauce within weeks and down a very slippery slope. I caught myself in time and realized it's not worth competing and found new motivation at the gym...being healthy so I can spend as much time as possible with my daughter.

Know yourself and you can control your vices.

[El Presidente]

3 hours ago, benfica_77 said:

It's important to set checks and make sure you don't cross them. I don't drink when I am too mad/sad and i'm looking for relief. I set rules for gambling (only super bowl and two fantasy football leagues). I create boundaries for myself and play within them but to do so you need self awareness on what you know can be a slippery slope and know where to draw the line.

For a long time I wanted to compete in a bodybuilding show. I was naïve that I could do it naturally, I almost signed up with a coach that I am certain I would have been on the sauce within weeks and down a very slippery slope. I caught myself in time and realized it's not worth competing and found new motivation at the gym...being healthy so I can spend as much time as possible with my daughter.

Know yourself and you can control your vices.

 

I love the beat you walk to Alex!

I am far more laissez-faire and tolerant of the occasional excess. I see it more as "angel on left shoulder, devil on right".  Both make up my whole...but I need to keep a tight reign with that cheeky bastard on the right 

[teamrandr]

State your intentions out loud. Write down the reasons you have them. Develop a game plan. For example a new workout routine, new hobby/skill. Learning something new is a great idea. Then of course your diet. Taking care of our body is the most important thing we can do.

[teamrandr]

A

[Li Bai]

I think it can't be fought or controlled in any way, at least not by sheer will . One has to shortcut his own tricky mind. It's more about letting go and find something greater, when one quits smoking one may focus on his recovered deeper breath and much better sleep, when quitting drinking one may enjoy not being hung over everyday for example.

Many people came to me professionally to quit smoking over the years, and I can now tell pretty accurately who's gonna succeed and who's gonna fail within a minute. Seeking advice from a therapist can make a huge difference 👍

[99call]

I think self respect and self worth has a lot to do with self control. I hate vain people and have always steered a course away from preening and "my body is a temple bullshit". 

Getting older you realise that try to live in a place that is defined by what you want to be...not what you don't. 

I like a drink, and in the past have gone on the wagon for 6yr periods. Not because I'm a bad drunk, or of any particular detriment to me or others in my life. It was just a self control thing, I didn't like how my life was being paired with alcohol as a standard part of the evening.

I've found my connection to self-control a lot harder to reconnect with over the last few years. Stressed from being self-employed, buying houses etc. I realised it was because I didn't take any time to care for myself or be nice to myself. I've made a concerted effort over the last month to give up booze, but to also start learning the guitar again, start to draw again. 

I was engaging with life in two different entities. The stress of work and the relief of a cold drink to forget about work. I think if that becomes your blueprint you have a problem. If you feel you have crap self-control, I think it's more likely you need a bit of love, a bit of a rethink to what you find charges your batteries.  

I always think of what the tall Indian actor says in 'one flew over the cuckoos nest'. Something to the affect of, "Sometimes the man drinks out of the bottle, sometimes the bottle drinks out of the man."

Good luck to anyone looking to enjoy life more on their own terms and to be the master of their passions.

[El Presidente]

12 hours ago, 99call said:

I think self respect and self worth has a lot to do with self control. I hate vain people and have always steered a course away from preening and "my body is a temple bullshit". 

Getting older you realise that try to live in a place that is defined by what you want to be...not what you don't. 

I like a drink, and in the past have gone on the wagon for 6yr periods. Not because I'm a bad drunk, or of any particular detriment to me or others in my life. It was just a self control thing, I didn't like how my life was being paired with alcohol as a standard part of the evening.

I've found my connection to self-control a lot harder to reconnect with over the last few years. Stressed from being self-employed, buying houses etc. I realised it was because I didn't take any time to care for myself or be nice to myself. I've made a concerted effort over the last month to give up booze, but to also start learning the guitar again, start to draw again. 

I was engaging with life in two different entities. The stress of work and the relief of a cold drink to forget about work. I think if that becomes your blueprint you have a problem. If you feel you have crap self-control, I think it's more likely you need a bit of love, a bit of a rethink to what you find charges your batteries.  

I always think of what the tall Indian actor says in 'one flew over the cuckoos nest'. Something to the affect of, "Sometimes the man drinks out of the bottle, sometimes the bottle drinks out of the man."

Good luck to anyone looking to enjoy life more on their own terms and to be the master of their passions.

Beautifully put mate. 

I am not a believer in "one size fits all". Challenges occur. Challenges/obstacles are a stress point, but it is in these challenges/obstacles that opportunities reveal themselves to be a better self. I have had mates that have gone to therapy (one on one or group) and for some it has been immensely beneficial. Others found the process/environment disheartening in that they simply didn't want to succumb to the thought process that something (addiction) has got the better of them. Giving over to a higher power was that line in the sand that they couldn't mentally cross. 

Others have gone through that dreaded process of finding solutions/input online. Regardless of the pitfalls, there are some very good resources out there if you are discerning. It has helped many. Being discerning is the key. 

My advice is to anyone is to find what works for you. Hitting rock bottom isn't easy as there is surprisingly many false bottoms. Yet the process of discovery (how to get out of it) is worth the effort. "The obstacle is the way". I am not sure who first came up with that saying but it is a foundation to build on because it inspires hope. In my eyes. The obstacle is both a challenge and an opportunity for self-growth. 

And for F*** sake. There is nothing anyone is going through that others haven't gone through a zillion times. Let yourself off the hook a little.  Self flagellation is as dire as the addiction itself. Reach out, do the yards to determine what works for you.

[Fuzz]

Oh no, no, no, no! I'm not falling for another intervention!! I'm outta here!!!

 

[JohnS]

12 hours ago, El Presidente said:

My advice is to anyone is to find what works for you. Hitting rock bottom isn't easy as there is surprisingly many false bottoms. Yet the process of discovery (how to get out of it) is worth the effort. "The obstacle is the way". I am not sure who first came up with that saying but it is a foundation to build on because it inspires hope. In my eyes. The obstacle is both a challenge and an opportunity for self-growth. 

From Wikipedia: 

The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph is the third book by author Ryan Holiday. It was published in 2014. It is a book which offers individuals a framework to flip obstacles into opportunities, an approach crafted by Holiday. It was inspired by the philosophy of stoicism.

An interview with the author can be found here.

[joeypots]

People who can control their appetites before they get the better of them are often baffled by the person who looses control and cannot regain it. The idea that it takes one to know one is apt when talking about addiction because every addiction is different and compulsive behavior is often done in secret. The problem has been notoriously difficult to study. Full disclosure, I haven’t had a drink or used an intoxicating substance for 39 years. Long term abstinence often seems like an extreme solution to the problem but compared to the destruction that drinking had on my life it’s not extreme at all. So if you think you’ve indulged too much lately and you back off for a while, more power to you. If you can’t stop despite negative consequences then it’s a different issue altogether. 

[Chibearsv]

I certainly agree that everyone is different and that there isn't a one size fits all solution.  For me, my beer drinking was either full throttle or don't start the engine. I quit temporarily many times but ultimately decided that I didn't want to lose any more of my time to drinking, so I challenged myself to never have a sip again. It's been over 15 year of success so far. I'm so competitive and strong minded (stubborn) that I know I'll never drink again. It's the only way I could. Moderation wasn't and isn't a possible solution for me.    

[Ford2112]

29 years since I have had a drink. No drugs. Most of the people on both side of my family are or were horrible drinkers. That said I have always had an obsessive and addictive personality. Food and cigars are the latest vices I struggle with. When I undertake something it is usually all in. I suppose it is just the way I'm wired. 

[Chitmo]

Check out some of Gabor Mate’s work, very insightful when it comes to addictions.

[LordAnubis]

I’m not averse to the word addiction like pres is. I think it’s used incorrectly. We always talk about addiction in the worst ways which I think is unhelpful. 

Most people say if you have a drink every day you’re addicted. Insert/replace with any vice. Most people say “I’m not an addict I quit drinking for 3 months” etc insert vice and time frame. However I look at it like this. If after the time away you’re craving that vice. Then that’s addiction. You’re able to delay your addiction and reign in it. Which is the key I think, controlling the addiction and not letting the addiction control you. I don’t have a cigar or coffee for a month during Ramadhan. But when it ends I’m hanging out for that first coffee and first cigar. So I am in no doubt in my mind an addict of coffee and cigars, however I am mentally capable of controlling it for periods of time.

And so we often say I’m addicted to crack how terrible etc etc. but we don’t say, I’m addicted to eggs and toast in the morning. Or insert whatever routine you normally have that you call a routine but really it’s an addiction also. Because if you don’t have that eggs and toast in the morning or don’t do your morning kids drop off to pool you’re day is ruined. 

And so I think it’s most important to acknowledge you are an addict, acknowledge whether you are being controlled or are the controller, and acknowledge everything it is you are addicted to. Also it’s important to understand that this will change most likely. You’re only addicted to buying cigars till you buy a house and spend money on that. You’re not addicted to the cigars. You’re addicted to spending money. And so that thorough self reflection is required before you even try to start making any change if that’s what you’re aiming to do. 

[PirelliCndms]

On 10/2/2024 at 7:46 PM, 99call said:

I always think of what the tall Indian actor says in 'one flew over the cuckoos nest'. Something to the affect of, "Sometimes the man drinks out of the bottle, sometimes the bottle drinks out of the man."

Good luck to anyone looking to enjoy life more on their own terms and to be the master of their passions.

Wow, that may have been just what I needed. Being Military I often find myself all consumed by stress. I work an hour from home so my 10-12 hour days really involve me being home for 12-10 hours a day. I've been burning the candle on both ends and it's only of the major reasons why I am separating from the military after 10 years (half way to retirement). I limit myself to 2 beers a night, I don't think that I have a problem, but I think that I have built a habit that isn't too healthy. 

Earlier this year I took a break from nicotine all together, 6 months of nothing. Honestly, I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, but that quote you posted really spoke to me. Maybe I'm letting the bottle drink from me. I'll continue having a beer or two on Wednesdays when some of my wife and I's friends go out to dinner, but I think I'm going to stop at home. At least for a while.

-Ty

[ha_banos]

I'm now of the couple of beers a night brigade. Have been for a while now. Its as much routine as habit. But I do find I enjoy that first sip a lot!