Chuck Norris...

[Cigar Surgeon]

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer.

Unfortunately Chuck has never cried.

[Li Bai]

Chuck Norris once was on "Temptation Island".

It ended up with 11 casualties and 12 pregnancies.

[Cigar Surgeon]

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together and get pieces of wood.

[Li Bai]

5 minutes ago, Cigar Surgeon said:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together and get pieces of wood.

Oh niiiice !! Never heard that one before 🤣🤣😂

[MoeFOH]

6 hours ago, Cigar Surgeon said:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together and get pieces of wood.

Haha... gold!

[MickVanWinkle]

The only garment Chuck Norris can’t wear is a tie - it instantly becomes a win

[MoeFOH]

[Fuzz]

[Li Bai]

• Since Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

[Fuzz]

• Chuck Norris doesn't like Chuck Norris jokes because they severely underestimate his abilities.
• When Chuck Norris was young, the police started a campaign to warn strangers not to talk to Chuck Norris.
• When the first mobile phone was exhibited, Chuck Norris filmed the event on his Nokia 3210.
• Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.... except Chuck Norris.
• The Guinness Book of Records had to change their format to only show the runners up, because all the records are held by Chuck Norris.
• Freddy Krueger is afraid to go to bed, for fear that Chuck Norris will kill him in his sleep.

[ha_banos]

#lonewolfcigars

 

[MoeFOH]

[Fuzz]

[MoeFOH]

[Jack]

On a more serious note...just an anecdote.

His son Mike was a couple of years behind me in high school and the town we lived in was small (suburban Los Angeles) enough that Chuck could walk around (in the late 1970's to early 1980's) and not be instantly mobbed. Recognized, but people just nodded or said "HI."

I was in line with some friends at a Marie Callendar's restaurant and he was in front of us, not with his family - just a couple of friends, no big hat, not undercover, just out to dinner and he happened to be Chuck Norris.

I was probably 19 or 20 when this took place.

I said something as an excuse to talk to him that didn't go over the way I thought. 

"Hey Mr. Norris, I was in high school with Mike. I always wanted to ask you what Bruce Lee was like?"

I had interrupted him, impolitely, but he turned and looked at me with no smile on his face. I swear he was tearing up.

"Bruce was great. He was the best. I miss him."

Now this was less than 10 years since Bruce Lee had passed, so it was still painful and I should have known better.

I apologized for interrupting him and moments later they were seated.

One of my friends looked at me like I was crazy and said:

"The way he looked at you I thought he was going to kill you right there."

I said I thought it was just a painful memory.

Saw him a few more times over the years, with and without family and just nodded at him.

[BrightonCorgi]

Chuck Norris would've been a great Sec. of State. Have a world leader "tell it to his face". He'll tell them how it's going to be.

[JohnS]

This is a great thread. I was re-visiting this today and it proved a great laugh. Thank you to all who contributed!

[99call]

A classic scene from "Paul Calf's Video Diaries". 

Did Norris ever actually say this line?

 

[MoeFOH]

[westg]

1 hour ago, MoeFOH said:

 

1 hour ago, MoeFOH said:

I have no doubt not one . That is actually a real picture.  Pity those UFC fools. 

[Ford2112]

 

[Boss Hog]

Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Lemmy. 😉

[david9985]

Chuck Norris doesn't smoke cigars. He just looks at them, and they light themselves out of respect.

[david9985]

When Chuck Norris puffs on a cigar, the smoke doesn't rise. It stays around to hear what he has to say.