What advice would you give your child before they get married?

[dms99]

First off I would like to congratulate Diane and El Presidente on the marriage of their son. I wish them nothing but the best. However, this got me thinking about what advice I'd give my son when the day comes that he wants to get married.

My advice to him would be:
1. Do you truly love this person? Are there any things about them that could be a deal breaker? I know we all have faults but if there is something about this person that you don't like and have you spoke to them and addressed it? If there are things about this person that you dislike and can live with then go ahead and tie that knot. BUT, if there is something that you don't like and have not discussed this with your partner don't assume that everything is going to be fine once you get married.

2. Do you intend on having kids? Have you discussed how you would want to raise them? Religion is a key topic of you are from different faiths. How are you going to handle work & childcare?

3. Do you get along with your future in laws? Do they respect you and do you respect them? Did you get their blessing before you decide to propose? I'm old fashioned but I believe that you should speak to the father and get his blessing before you decide to propose.

4. Do you truly want to marry this person or do you feel rushed or obligated? Don't get married because we want to have grandkids, you've been with this person for X amount of years, or other forms of pressure from family and friends.

Marriage is certainly not easy. But it can be a rewarding and blissful experience if you are with the right partner. My priority would be for my child to be happy. If anyone else has some input please chime in.

[cgoodrich]

Well said @dms99.

Healthy communication before marriage is paramount.

Relationships must constantly be worked on to keep healthy.

Are you a better person with your significant? Vice versa?

Are you already in agreement about finances/income? Especially if both have jobs.

 

My 2¢…

 

 

[dms99]

21 minutes ago, cgoodrich said:

Well said @dms99.

Healthy communication before marriage is paramount.

Relationships must constantly be worked on to keep healthy.

Are you a better person with your significant? Vice versa?

Are you already in agreement about finances/income? Especially if both have jobs.

 

My 2¢…

 

 

Thank you for your input @cgoodrich

You bring up a very good point about the finances which should definitely be discussed before marriage.

[joeypots]

Tell your son to do everything his bride asks him to do.

Then tell him never do what she asks right away.

[JohnS]

Apart from some obvious advice concerning clear communication in regards to shared goals there are two areas to note:

1. Have clear expectations concerning finances. This is the number one reason for disputes in relationships. Often, the reasons are related to issues of power.
2. Remember, you are marrying into someone else's family. So, be mindful of your relations with all your in-laws (i.e. your spouse's siblings and their partners and children) as these can be often challenging. You will most probably need the 'wisdom of Solomon' to traverse these waters, trust me!

[Ryan]

I was just telling this story again earlier today.

My father came to my hotel room on the morning of my wedding 22 years ago and told me, "Remember, if you walk up the aisle with 100 acres, you walk back down with 50." 

Probably a bit late at that stage for that particular nugget, but the wife and I still get a laugh out of it.

[NSXCIGAR]

Only reason I would even remotely suggest to anyone to get married today would be family/children.

Other than that, shared values are the most important thing in a marriage by far. 

[Nevrknow]

"It's just as easy to marry up as it is to marry down." My granpa. Brilliant man! :)

[cgoodrich]

Once long ago my wife (of 34 yrs) watched an interview of husband and wife that hit their 80th anniversary (they were both centenarians). They were posed the normal “what’s your secret to a long marriage “ question. The husband answered very quickly “in the morning I do what she tells me, in the afternoon I let her do what she wants”. 😆 

[Chas.Alpha]

In most every wedding ceremony there is a point when the magistrate says “Will you take him/her to be your lawfully wedded spouse?”

No is a perfectly acceptable answer. 😳

[BoliDan]

Don't spend a lot of a wedding or a ring, save for a house.

[westg]

Make surè your sex life is cranking and active and keep at it. The rest is a walk in the park ,,😎🌴

[Hemclas]

Go to bed angry, everything will be better in the morning. 😁

[BrightonCorgi]

Wait until you're in your mid 30's at a minimum to marry.  Don't be another 20 something that gets married only to divorce like 5 years later.

[joeypots]

A rookie journalist writing for a weekly news paper in a small affluent summer resort town near where I live was looking for a story in the off season. She came upon the idea of asking couples that had been married for 50 years or more what was the secret of their marriage success. She found three and made appointments to visit each of them.

The first couple she interviewed told her that husband and wife  should have separate interests as well as some in common.

The second couple was sure that having time apart and some friends that they did not share kept them from getting bored with each other. 

The wife in the third couple said that forgiveness was key,"never hold a grudge" she said.

Her husband, after some thought, said, “Don’t keep guns in the house."

[helix]

13 hours ago, Nevrknow said:

"It's just as easy to marry up as it is to marry down." My granpa. Brilliant man!

My Grandmother once famously said to her daughters..."girls its just as easy to marry a rich man as a poor man."😉

[MrBirdman]

I have a good friend who practices family law, which means 99% divorces and custody battles. His view is that couples should only be allowed to marry after they've been dating for 20 years. If you still get on well after getting tired of each other, you know you're onto a winner 😉

I don't think he's 100% serious (though he is unmarried), but there is some truth to what he says. Getting engaged during a honeymoon period is a terrible idea. You need to get over at least one serious hump before you can be sure of a relationship's durability. Because the humps will inevitably come, no matter how much you love each other.

 

[Jackdani7401]

If you’re going to argue, do so naked. 😂😂

[Chibearsv]

I’m happily married now for almost 16 years. My first marriage was terrible. Don’t get married because you feel you “have to”, “you should”, or “you want to”. When it’s right, you MUST be completely honest with each other and still be able accept the downsides of each other. If you know you are BS ing your partner, or if you suspect your partner is BS ing you, it can’t work.  You’ve each got to know the flaws of each other and accept them because neither of you will change your nature. Marrying in the hope that either will change is a huge mistake. Marry only because it is absolutely the correct move and because your partnership is going to be forever, no matter the flaws of each other.  Because, the flaws are there, and if you both don’t know them, you’re delusional.  

[Bijan]

2 hours ago, MrBirdman said:

I have a good friend who practices family law, which means 99% divorces and custody battles. His view is that couples should only be allowed to marry after they've been dating for 20 years. If you still get on well after getting tired of each other, you know you're onto a winner 😉

For my wife and me, it was 11 years before we got married. But we've only been married 5 years 🤞(16 years total).

As to humps, yeah definitely some of those along the way.

[GoodStix]

11 minutes ago, Bijan said:

As to humps, yeah definitely some of those along the way.

I sure hope so! 😉

[SCgarman]

Best advice you can give somebody before they get married is......DON'T GET MARRIED 😂. If/when I get divorced, I will take my own advice.

[El Presidente]

On 4/23/2023 at 3:16 AM, dms99 said:

First off I would like to congratulate Diane and El Presidente on the marriage of their son.

For clarity, Ben is my eldest son to first wife Angela 

Di and I are to be married on the 20th of May. Dad's 90th birthday is the 16th of July. Mum and dads 60th wedding anniversary is November. it's a big year 

[RDB]

46 minutes ago, El Presidente said:

For clarity, Ben is my eldest son to first wife Angela 

Di and I are to be married on the 20th of May. Dad's 90th birthday is the 16th of July. Mum and dads 60th wedding anniversary is November. it's a big year 

Whoa this is a run of big news, congratulations all round Rob.

[El Presidente]

Advice 

 

 

Aim for this:

 

 

 

 

 

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