Friday Funny : CV 19...add your own.

[bugman78629]

?

[Squarehead]

Unemployment application:

Job description:Burglar

Reason for lay off:

Everybody is at home

[The Squiggler]

decided to whip one up for yucks:

 

[The Squiggler]

sorry folks, apparently Tito's won't kill/cure Coronavirus, even if you drink 50% more

 

[joeypots]

UK Virus ALERT

 

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, the level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”

 

The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

 

The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

 

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the Bastard.” They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

 

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

 

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

 

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

 

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

 

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

 

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

 

The Russians have said “It's not us”

[Zigatoh]

1 hour ago, The Squiggler said:

sorry folks, apparently Tito's won't kill/cure Coronavirus, even if you drink 50% more

 

Drinking it won't help but turns out 30%+ will do it externally - 

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.techtimes.com/amp/articles/248178/20200319/seriously-whisky-kill-coronavirus-hear-experts.htm

Sorry, back to the funnys

[bugman78629]

?

[Ken Gargett]

Apparently, Prince Charles is at Balmoral Palace, isolated with Covid-19. 
Meanwhile, Prince Andrew is at Winsor Castle, isolated with Jennifer-14. 
 

[Ken Gargett]

[TBird55]

 

[Kitchen]

[canadianbeaver]

Town news:

Call the police because folks touch the railing on the bridge when they watch salmon jump up the river. While they are at it on that call, a teenager jumped over the fence to go skateboarding. We cannot have such criminal behaviour in Our town dammit!

The end.

??

CB

[nKostyan]

«The Cuban authorities seriously thought about renaming the cigar factory La Corona because of unpleasant associations»

[canadianbeaver]

[Chas.Alpha]

[Ken Gargett]

this was ... unexpected. and made me giggle.

[WarriorPrincess]

40 minutes ago, Ken Gargett said:

this was ... unexpected. and made me giggle.

 

That is so funny Ken had a giggle to 

[Homer]

[THEMISCHMAN]

[canadianbeaver]

Drew this today on my iPad. Enjoy. ?

CB

[Joeyjojo]

[Orangeman004]

 

[Habana Mike]

1 hour ago, Orangeman004 said:

 

Stealing!

 

[Lomey]

Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk

[TBird55]

Are my testicles black?

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. 
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"