i'm ringing on behalf of the solar panel dodgy mob...

[Ken Gargett]

i reckon i average more than a call a day from these idiots. such a gutful of it.

solar panelling seems to be the flavour of the day. microsoft to fix a problem. the govt tax office (though they never get the name right) and so on. seriously, i am so over these thieves. the tax office wants to give me money. lord spare me.

just had one - 'hello mrs gargett' (normally they can't pronounce gargett - such a tough one).

do i sound like a mrs gargett?

yes.

oh just f off.

sometimes if i am bored, i will ask them to hold while i get the home owner. best was about 15 minutes of coming back and telling them they were coming - i figure if they want to steal from me, if i can waste their time as i assume they get paid on commission, i am doing the world a service. though these days, i normally just tell them to go away, in the most impolite language i can find.

sometimes, if i am really pissed and they are worse than usual, i wish all kinds of slow death on their family. twice (and i just assumed they were random calls but apparently not quite), they have rung back. one in particular was highly indignant that i had expressed a desire for all manner of horrendous and slow diseases to take out his family.

'you cannot say that to me', i was told.

but you are a thief.

yes, but you still cannot talk to me like that.

seriously?????

anyway, i thought i'd post an oldie but truly a goldie.

 

 

[Sean3]

I like the way you think...effin telemarketers.

[El Presidente]

Ken

I know if I was a Telemarketer CEO (on reflection....it could have been my other life ) I would have your number as THE NUMBER ONE sales tool. 

"grasshopper you have reached the final stage"

"......am I ready sensei?"

"......no you are not ready...but so few are."

" Do I get to call Mr Ken Gargett now sensei?"

" think twice....my Punjabi student...many do not come back from the exercise....."

[Hurltim]

True story: I had a telemarketer tell me to go F-my self in less than 7 minutes.

Then, he called back and left a rather nasty message that I played for everybody on the job site. 

Just remember, if they call YOU...you can say whatever you want.  I mean WHATEVER. On a good day I don't have a filter so...

 

[Fuzz]

I like to mess with the "Tech Support" scammers. I make them wait while I turn on my computer.... "It's an old one that is only used for email, so you have to wait, sir", go through some of the steps, then tell them, "Do I need to turn on my modem?". Wait another 5 minutes, try it again.... "Sorry, could you repeat all those steps again?"... "Slow down there young man, I don't type so fast!".... another 5 minutes, "It doesn't seem to be working".... "Hang on a minute while I check something...." .... put down the phone and watch TV. Eventually, they hang up.

[ayepatz]

You see that hashtag button on your phone? If you get a computerised voice or prerecorded message calling you, just keep pressing that button over and over until the line goes dead. Their computer will register it as a faulty line and remove your name from their list.

If only it worked with people, too...

[Colt45]

I've always found the easiest way to deal with them is to not pick up to begin with.....

[wabashcr]

Is there no "Do Not Call" registry in Australia?  I haven't had a telemarketer call in over a decade.

[Fuzz]

The DNR doesn't work. My number is on it and I still get calls.

[Lotusguy]

Who still uses a landline and/or no caller ID? If the incoming number is not in my address book and I am not currently expecting a specific call, I don't pick up. Period. Then I check the voicemail later and if it's an unwanted sales call, presto in the "blocked numbers" list it goes.

Simple and no high blood pressure required.

[Ken Gargett]

45 minutes ago, Lotusguy said:

Who still uses a landline and/or no caller ID? If the incoming number is not in my address book and I am not currently expecting a specific call, I don't pick up. Period. Then I check the voicemail later and if it's an unwanted sales call, presto in the "blocked numbers" list it goes.

Simple and no high blood pressure required.

i use a landline because even though i live in the suburbs of brisbane, a major australian city (3rd largest, over 2 mill people), these idiots can't provide decent mobile coverage at my location (and plenty of others) so i have no choice. other providers piggyback from them so no, i can't change.

i answer because i get heaps of calls from wineries/retailers/editors etc. so i have little choice. we have some 3,000 wineries alone, let alone all the rest, so not really feasible to put them in the machine.

as to other thoughts, yes, i am on the 'do not call' register but if you are ringing to try and con someone out of their dosh, surprise surprise, they take no notice. dob them in? so the authorities can chase con men? waste of time.

the hash tag. these are not pre-recorded machines/messages (not even i am silly enough to abuse a pre-recorded message - well, usually). these are dodgy little grubs from 3rd world countries trying to rip off anyone they can.

[gweilgi]

1 hour ago, Lotusguy said:

Who still uses a landline and/or no caller ID? If the incoming number is not in my address book and I am not currently expecting a specific call, I don't pick up. Period. Then I check the voicemail later and if it's an unwanted sales call, presto in the "blocked numbers" list it goes.

Simple and no high blood pressure required.

Three people in my address book have no caller ID, due to their having very old phone systems which do not support this service.  

Annoyingly, my bank only displays the phone number without the extension, so I never know whether it's my own banker chappie or someone trying to sell me on their latest greatest guaranteed-revenue inflation-busting no-risk all-singing all-dancing financial service...

[Lotusguy]

I maintain - if you don't know the number, let it go to voicemail. Or is every call you're getting life or death urgent? If they don't leave a voicemail it wasn't important anyway.

[Ken Gargett]

25 minutes ago, Lotusguy said:

I maintain - if you don't know the number, let it go to voicemail. Or is every call you're getting life or death urgent? If they don't leave a voicemail it wasn't important anyway.

or if they are an editor, they go and find another writer. they may ring back, may leave a message or it may be something they need done quickly.  i don't answer, someone eklse gets the job. and they may go direct to them next time. there will be things for which they will come to me but there are plenty of paying jobs that they might try me but it doesn't matter if it goes to someone else.

leaving the calls may work for you - but that hardly means it suits everyone.

it would be nice if it worked for me. it doesn't.

with respect, do you really think i haven't considered this from all angles? even tried that for a while?

unfortunately i have to cop the crap to get the calls i want/need.

and as for the endless wineries, if i have to ring back, half the time they have to go and find the person or they are in the vineyard or winery not taking calls. so we go through it again. so much easier to take the calls even if it means i have to deal with dodgy pricks and thieves. it is not a perfect world.

[ayepatz]

I've got it. Get an airhorn, marine spec. Keep it next to the phone.

Useful for cold-call grubs, and the occasional editor, too.

Also, the mother-in-law. ?

 

[Hurltim]

Telemarketing can be a cathartic experience for the consumer!

I just spew every ounce of filth I have in my system at them.

Then I feel better

[Mattb82]

Step 1: go eat whatever gives you the worst case of bubble guts

2: use a secondary  device such as an Ipad(what I did) to record the bathroom explosion and sound effects

3: tell each caller to hang on because your on the shitter and hit play 

you'll like the reactions. 

[gweilgi]

On 28 September 2016 at 11:57 PM, Hurltim said:

Telemarketing can be a cathartic experience for the consumer!

I just spew every ounce of filth I have in my system at them.

Then I feel better

Isn't that what they invented Jehovah's Witnesses for?

[Fuzz]

4 hours ago, gweilgi said:

Isn't that what they invented Jehovah's Witnesses for?

I used to collect those God botherer pamphlets. It was fun to hand a JW a Mormon pamphlet, and vice versa.

[LLC]

I'd rather have the landline so I can screen and ignore the calls at home vs them starting to use my cell phone number. Unless I'm in a playful mood...

I've also done the hang on while I start up my computer but I tell them I have three and need to know which one has the virus. Normally by about the 10 minute mark they swear at me and hang up.


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