Are there any redeeming features of a "Picnic"

[El Presidente]

OK I will rule out beach Picnics. I like those. Unfortunately wind was up yesterday and a beach picnic was off the table.

So for Valentines day head off to a park picnic. Drive for an hour to find an isolated place (the rest of the world had the same idea) and finally a lovely spot next to water. Actually quite gorgeous.

Roll out the picnic rugs in the shade. Pull out a Cohiba 1966. Glass of wine pre lunch. Settle in to read the Sunday paper.

It is hard to enjoy a fine cigar and a glass of wine when you have ants crawling all over you. Kill the first few and it is on for young and old.

In trying to block their flanking manouvre I kick over my glass of wine. Go back to my sandwhich and a couple are trying to break the olympic weight lifting record by carrying it off. Deal with them and their mates have now found a way into my shirt.

I can't remember the cigar. I can remember Di laughing

Picnic over in 30 minutes. Mental note never to do it again.

Put my car in for servicing this morning. Mechanic points out that I have a couple of hundred ants now residing in the passenger side door well.

Valentines day picnic my arse.

[MIKA27]

I can't remember the cigar. I can remember Di laughing

Mission accomplished mate - You amused Di

[Squarehead]

Could have been worse and have ants in your pants or you just don't tell

[WarriorPrincess]

He forgot to mention the wine fell over and filled his shoe ...now that got me laughing while I drank mine

I am sure I saw a few ants staggering away after being saturated by the wine

I was packing up even before he finished his lunch as I knew it was time to go just by the look on his face

[Fuzz]

Easy solution to prevent ants from ruining your next picnic (if you eve do have another).

• Find a nice picnic spot
• Scorch the earth in a 4 metre radius from where you plan to set up
• Spray enough pesticide to do an entire 4 storey apartment complex
• Dig a 20cm deep trench around the scorched earth and fill with petrol
• Lay picnic rug down, park your arse, then light the petrol
• Have your sandwich and wine whilst enjoy the view through the flames
• Finish with 10 minutes before the ants regroup

[WarriorPrincess]

sounds like a plan Fuzz but knowing Rob he will most likely start a bush fire ......petrol, fire and Rob do not mix well together

[zeedubbya]

Oh what a hilarious mental image! I've never much enjoyed picnics myself. Last picnic I took my wife on I ended up grabbing the fly rod from the car and catching a very nice smallmouth bass! For some reason I don't think my wife enjoys picnics much either?

[Coolio]

He forgot to mention the wine fell over and filled his shoe ...now that got me laughing while I drank mine

I am sure I saw a few ants staggering away after being saturated by the wine

I was packing up even before he finished his lunch as I knew it was time to go just by the look on his face

I tried that wine once Di. It was bit leathery!

[PigFish]

Get there a day in advance. Soak the joint with Diazinon, come back the following day. Remove all dead wildlife and enjoy yourself!

-Piggy

[shlomo]

Bring the lid of a container and fill w mix water and sugar. Place it 7m or so away. Ants will all go there.....

Then ground cinnamon all around eating area, including table, tablecloth, etc....ants dont like cinnamon.

[PapaDisco]

It ain't the fault of the picnic . . . nor of Valentine's Day . . . it's the fact that you live in Australia, where all bugs are extraordinary. Move to Northern California and you'll be eating out of doors just about every day, Shoo Away or no! ;-)

[Trevor2118]

Are there any redeeming features of a "Picnic" ?

No....absolutely not!

[El Presidente]

Bring the lid of a container and fill w mix water and sugar. Place it 7m or so away. Ants will all go there.....

Then ground cinnamon all around eating area, including table, tablecloth, etc....ants dont like cinnamon.

Cheers Shlomo.

Should I ever get the mental fortitude to try again.....I am going to do as you suggest!

[Habana Mike]

Best way to avoid ants is to picnic in Antarctica!

Bring a parka.......

[OZCUBAN]

I don't do picnics?

[JackFNQ]

Last Friday we had a family of four of these turn up at our picnic. No ants.

[cigcars]

Bring the lid of a container and fill w mix water and sugar. Place it 7m or so away. Ants will all go there.....

Then ground cinnamon all around eating area, including table, tablecloth, etc....ants dont like cinnamon.

*I'd read that ants don't like vinegar! In reading about lone workers who had to go into South American jungles where those dangerous inch and a half long driver ants with the mandibles nearly as long as their bodies, they were supposedly advised to take vinegar with them to keep them away. But - hey, maybe cinnamon works too. I'll try some on the routes our ant pests like to travel and see what happens.

[cigcars]

OK I will rule out beach Picnics. I like those. Unfortunately wind was up yesterday and a beach picnic was off the table.

So for Valentines day head off to a park picnic. Drive for an hour to find an isolated place (the rest of the world had the same idea) and finally a lovely spot next to water. Actually quite gorgeous.

Roll out the picnic rugs in the shade. Pull out a Cohiba 1966. Glass of wine pre lunch. Settle in to read the Sunday paper.

It is hard to enjoy a fine cigar and a glass of wine when you have ants crawling all over you. Kill the first few and it is on for young and old.

In trying to block their flanking manouvre I kick over my glass of wine. Go back to my sandwhich and a couple are trying to break the olympic weight lifting record by carrying it off. Deal with them and their mates have now found a way into my shirt.

I can't remember the cigar. I can remember Di laughing

Picnic over in 30 minutes. Mental note never to do it again.

Put my car in for servicing this morning. Mechanic points out that I have a couple of hundred ants now residing in the passenger side door well.

Valentines day picnic my arse.

My old co-worker and fellow cigar-loving buddy in Atlanta used to enjoy taking his red laser pen and pointing it at the feet of the many pigeons we used to have all over the place while we were on duty. When he would return to his car at the end of his shift - his car, and his car only - had pigeon crap all over it. None of the other cars were affected. Just his. Makes you wonder about how "smart" or "dumb" our wildlife is out there when we refer to them (like we used to yesteryear) as "dumb animals"!

[CaptainQuintero]

I usually bring along two cheapo jars of basic supermarket honey, stick them 20 feet away from us and it seems to keep wasps and ants etc away, cigar smoke helps with flies too

[PigFish]

It ain't the fault of the picnic . . . nor of Valentine's Day . . . it's the fact that you live in Australia, where all bugs are extraordinary. Move to Northern California and you'll be eating out of doors just about every day, Shoo Away or no! ;-)

You know mate, you make a resoundingly good point. Who the hell wants to swim in waters where a little jelly-fish does you in and then a great white scarfs your carcass?

Rob, you live in the wrong town... -LOL

Ants, fish, snakes, gun and tobacco laws, the prison continents just is not for you mate!!! -R

[Smoker]

The trick is to lay a huge white sheet under your picnic blanket. This gives you more clean area, and any invading ants can be easily seen against the white sheet.

[HarveyBoulevard]

There are things in life the sound great. You think about it...get a beautiful mental picture. Plan, prepare, anticipate the fun and joy...then they suck because real life gets in the way. Picnics are but one of the lovely theoretical joys in life that turn out to be as fun as a colonoscopy. There other others...

A nap in the hammock: ants, bees, flies, getting in, getting out, getting comfortable;

Sleeping under the stars: bugs in general, the rock under your sleeping bag, the bear that wonders into camp;

Disney Land: $$$$, 1 hour lines to take a 3 minute ride, 8 zillion kids, more $$$$, parking;

I could go on but I won't.

Now, don't get me wrong. I try all these fun things but you are not alone in your experience. We feel your pain

[luv2fly]

"petrol, fire and Rob do not mix well together "

My wife and a few friends would say the same about me.

There have been issues in the past, so their comments would not be completely wrong.

[Bill Hayes]

I can't get comfortable sitting on the ground.

[wabashcr]

The most important component of any picnic is the aptly named picnic table.