Mother in Law battles!

[CaptainQuintero]

I'm currently in the middle of a campaign against She who casts no shadow, I have a feeling this is going to be a long war, probably only ending when Nosferatu calls his bride back to the crypt.

So I'm in need of stories to keep the moral on the home front up!

What are your best/worst experiences?

[soutso]

Good luck with your Mrs on that one.

One thing I've learned is that women want their Mum and Dad in their lives. Even if they've been shithouse parents.

Taking a stand against the outlaws may work for a while but sooner or later your better half will crumble.

I'm civil to mine. I smile, say yes, nod in appreciation and they think I'm great! During this time all I am doing is thinking of girls. Lots of beautiful scantily clad women. They think I'm partaking in their conversations ..... but I'm not.

[DoubleDD]

I'm lucky, I like mine. She doesn't intrude a lot and minds her business. Wish I could help but maybe it's time to start drinking more.

[zappaFREAK]

If you have ever seen s horror movie you have some insight to my relationship with the war department as we used to call them. They have always hated me and made no bones about it. They said to my wife can't you just find someone else! We bent over backwards for 20 years and saw no improvement and as they say good things come to those who wait. They are both gone now thankfully and we have been together for 28 yrs!

[forgop]

I barely acknowledge mine. I see my FIL maybe 3x a year when he lives 15 minutes away. My MIL is over 3-4 times a week. Guess just a lot of resentment when my wife wouldn't have anything of moving an hour away so I could be closer to home when both of my parents were in the last year of their lives...because being an hour away from your healthy parents is so rough.

So, it can always be worse...

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N910A using Tapatalk

[LeafLover]

It's your wife's job to right the situation not yours. The in laws should know the boundaries but if they don't your wife should be the one to set them.

This ^^^ must be followed.

[busdriver]

My in laws disowned me and refused to give me permision to marry their daughter. The reason for this was that I bought the house that my (now) wife wanted in a neighborhood they did not approve of. My wife was the main proponent of buying the house but all the blame of course fell to me.

Things turned around when they realized I had what was most precious to them whether they approved or not.

At the end of the day I really wanted my wife to gave a relationship with her parents so I facilitated a reconciliation.

The silver lining is that they now know not to medle in our life and we were expectation free to plan our weddding!

Boundaries and having a life separate from your parents is an important maturing process but like most things, there are growing pains. A confrontation was in inevitable with my in laws and my wife understood that.

There is always more to say but i hope sharing this helps in some small way.

[PigFish]

I have outlived my in-laws. I win!

Furthermore I was always an asset to my in-laws. I managed their estate and their durable power of attorney for healthcare. Be an asset to them and not a liability.

One cannot fix another. I don't bother to try anymore. I write people off and go my own way. That has included some of my in-laws. It is Piggy's law... While it might sound sexist, being the powerbroker in your own home is the only way to survive. I share decisions, but the ultimate end decision is mine unless I delegate it. I cannot live any other way.

I also don't micromanage my wife. She decides things for herself or seeks my council on her personal items. I don't interfere with her and her family. While I have detested some of them, I speak my peace yet she remains autonomous to run her own life and relationship. Ultimately she pays the price for her decisions as I do mine.

I believe in freedom. I don't run her life. She does not run mine. She respects my time an turf as I do hers. I am the benevolent tiebreaker and I don't abuse the power because I love her and have no wish to force my will on another.

Cheers! Piggy

[LordAnubis]

I love being single

On a serious note though, i find islamic family rresponsibility interesting! and here's some things about it for you guys that is similar to what others have already mentioned.

In Islam, the duties of an individual are actually quite well defined. The duty of a parent is to respect the wishes of their child. The duty of a child is to care for and protect their parents. In a marriage, a husband or wife can not be forced to live with their in law, nor is a husband or wife required to provide for their in-laws. It is the childs sole responsibility and duty to look after their parents, not their husband/wifes. In regards to how in laws interfere with family, it is pretty much they have no right to anything other than the obligation their child has to supporting them. In laws aren't even allowed to go into a husband and wifes room without permission.

In Islam the family hierarchy goes

Husband > Wife > Children > Parents ie wife listens to husband within reason, children listen to parents within reason.

When it comes to matters of the home and decisions of provisions etc it goes

Wife > Children > Husband ie, The wife and children can ask anything of their husband and it is his responsibility to provide within reason

Of course all of this is completely misinterpreted by nut jobs and cultural traditions.

[saintsmokealot]

If it is like anything I went through it will be a never ending war. Without airing out all the dirty laundry to end it I had to be the bigger person and apologize for doing nothing wrong. Good Luck.

[LGC]

Your wife will always see her parents' behavior as normal. You cannot expect her to ever change. It is important that you make your point made to all parties. If both sides can't see eye to eye, one side must be willing to compromise... or the subject matter must be avoided all together. IMO, there's nothing worse than living with someone whom sides with their parents against you. I'd rather be lonely, instead of living a life of resentment. Even if everyone doesn't agree with certain subjects, respect must be shown towards others. If your wife never voices her own opinion (especially if she agrees with your stance), then she doesn't truly respect you as a person. Relationship dynamics differs for every couple, and it is up to each couple to decide what they need to be happy. In order to live as a healthy couple, boundaries will have to be established for every issue. It is extremely important that those boundaries are respected as well. Let us know how things work out for you.

[DWC]

Do you know what the penalty for Bigamy is?

...Two Mother-in-laws.

I have no advice or stories but, good luck Cap't. I think you'll need it.

-Dan

[Orion21]

I love my MIL and FIL. My MIL can be overbearing at times, but after 15 years she has learned that my house, my rules - her house, her rules. At the end of the day the quality of your relationships will directly impact the quality of your life. If you want to be happy invest time in the relationships you have and be generous. Sometimes it's not about being right or powerful all of the time - it's about knowing yourself and the relationship with you spouse. The right balance of love, support and compromise goes a long way. The hard part is figuring out how to manage it all successfully for DECADES. Sometimes it's just not about you/me all of the time.

[CaptainQuintero]

I think I'm quite lucky in that my partner is not on their side. Her mum and parade of men were abusive, everything apart from sexual, to her growing up and the while the physical side of it has stopped the emotional continues. So I guess it's not that my partner is oblivious to the problems caused by the bride of Dracula, its more how to deal with it until Van Helsing finally succeeds.

So far things that have not worked:

Wooden stakes

Holy water

Sunlight

Garlic

Silver crosses

The lords prayer

[Orion21]

I think I'm quite lucky in that my partner is not on their side. Her mum and parade of men were abusive, everything apart from sexual, to her growing up and the while the physical side of it has stopped the emotional continues. So I guess it's not that my partner is oblivious to the problems caused by the bride of Dracula, its more how to deal with it until Van Helsing finally succeeds.

So far things that have not worked:

Wooden stakes

Holy water

Sunlight

Garlic

Silver crosses

The lords prayer

There is a special place in hell for those who physically and emotionally abuse children. The best to both of you!

[HarveyBoulevard]

I must admit I am very lucky in this regard. I like my MIL and FIL almost as much as my own parents. I have been married for over 10 years and have not had a single bad incident with either of them. I actually just got back from a vacation in Hawaii with my family, my parents, and my wife's parents. It was a great trip. Not only do I get along with them (my FIL is my cigar smoking buddy), my parents get along with them.

Now, if you get me started on my sisters in law...we may have issues

My brother's have not been as fortunate and I can see the havoc it can wreak on a relationship.

[PigFish]

... how many times distilled was the holy water? Try boiling holy water for a period getting an 8 to 1 reduction. No sinner can withstand the 8/1...

[Jeremy Festa]

I think I'm quite lucky in that my partner is not on their side. Her mum and parade of men were abusive, everything apart from sexual, to her growing up and the while the physical side of it has stopped the emotional continues. So I guess it's not that my partner is oblivious to the problems caused by the bride of Dracula, its more how to deal with it until Van Helsing finally succeeds.

So far things that have not worked:

Wooden stakes

Holy water

Sunlight

Garlic

Silver crosses

The lords prayer

While my mother-in-law worships the ground I walk upon. I have had run-ins with numerous older women, in my short time on the planet. My own mother included.

And, my secret weapon, is.... kill them with kindness.

There is a certain satisfaction I get from being the bigger person in any situation. Even if you are not the one in the wrong.

I would send your mother-in-law flowers, with a beautiful apology note. Realising she may be going through a tough time and understand that lashing out at loved ones is sometimes expected, not always justified, but you are sorry for making it more difficult and not easier.

I am a little sick in the head, knowing that deep down this confuses them.

People get caught up on making sure the other person knows they were in the wrong. As long as you yourself know you are in the right, and it sounds like your partner does too, then it really doesn't matter.

Be kind. Always fight with love. It's ******* unstoppable.

#yourewelcome

[westg]

Love it.....it's the only way...bang on the money J ..love my MI

While my mother-in-law worships the ground I walk upon. I have had run-ins with numerous older women, in my short time on the planet. My own mother included.

And, my secret weapon, is.... kill them with kindness.

There is a certain satisfaction I get from being the bigger person in any situation. Even if you are not the one in the wrong.

I would send your mother-in-law flowers, with a beautiful apology note. Realising she may be going through a tough time and understand that lashing out at loved ones is sometimes expected, not always justified, but you are sorry for making it more difficult and not easier.

I am a little sick in the head, knowing that deep down this confuses them.

People get caught up on making sure the other person knows they were in the wrong. As long as you yourself know you are in the right, and it sounds like your partner does too, then it really doesn't matter.

Be kind. Always fight with love. It's ******* unstoppable.

#yourewelcome

[CaptainQuintero]

... how many times distilled was the holy water? Try boiling holy water for a period getting an 8 to 1 reduction. No sinner can withstand the 8/1...

Any liquid not gin turns to ice within 10 feet of SWCNS

[CaptainQuintero]

I'm normally a huge proponent of kill 'em with love. I've tried it for two years with this before accepting you can't hug a fire out, my partner has accepted the fact that one day she will have to break contact with her to be totally free, it's finding that balancing act of supporting her until she is emotionally able to, but also run damage limitation and protect her as much as possible from SWCNS until then.

This week she was more interested in thrashing her dog between nikolodian shows than reduce her daughter to tears, which is an improvement!

Sometimes I guess you just meet people who are there to test your convictions...and then some!

[PigFish]

Any liquid not gin turns to ice within 10 feet of SWCNS

... bring your ice skates to a pool party then. I know that woman...!

[MIKA27]

WOW, far too many similar stories across the globe for this not to be an ominous phenomenon

I'm currently going through my own separation/divorce and whilst not all our issues are the Mother in Laws fault, she has always stuck her nose in and made things far worse as well as often instigating my wife. So much so that often when my wife and I patch things up to move forward, my wife then visits her mums and or her mum comes over to our place and then all of a sudden our progress has been undone for the very worse. I know this because when one argues, my wife often blurts out "My mum said this, she said that about you!"

This is NO coincidence....

Also, whenever my wife is causing issues, her mother can clearly see her daughters in the wrong, yet doesn't say a single thing and vice versa. I am one that believes in respecting the person who's home you are in yet the mother in law enters my place and barely says hello or anything. I cook for my family and invite her to stay yet at my own table she speaks Spanish to her daughter whilst my kids and I have no clue what the conversation is about (And the mother in law speaks perfect English). Despite my allaying the disrespect that it is, she continues to do so and my wife doesn't say a thing.

Total lack of respect.

My mother in law is one of the laziest most selfish people I've ever met. She lives 2 blocks away from a milk bar/grocer and yet whines that her daughter doesn't help her and take her to buy milk bread et al (Yes, the Monster in law doesn't drive) BUT!! Every Sunday she leaves her home and heads into the city ON HER OWN, goes to Church in Elizabeth street and thereafter spends the day at the casino, later making her own way home via train... That round trip is at least 50 Kms from her home yet she does not complain, yet she whines for a small stroll to the local store and attempts to make others feel guilty. Pathetic!

I'm a firm believer her motto is Sin for 6 days of the week and beg forgiveness in Church on the 7th during confession...

My wife, kids and I went to Chile for 8 weeks in 2010. The mother in law was already there on holiday so when we arrived she followed us like a bad smell EVERYWHERE. Of course after the first 2 weeks of visiting my wife's family, I was keen to get away with just my wife and kids yet the mother in law followed us everywhere. This is where I protested to my wife and asked her to politely hint that we want and need our own time. BUT, my wife refused, stated I was selfish and rude and as such, this caused us a lot of arguments during our holiday. I mean, I didn't even get a single evening to be alone and take my wife out for much needed time alone the entire holiday because her mother who LOVED FOLLOWING US AROUND every other day, refused to look after the kids for a few hours on any night. It was beyond insanity! But in the end, it was also my wife who didn't see an issue with this.

I know this all sounds one way, I'm not perfect, I have my flaws, but I have been a good husband, father and step father, but issues should be resolved by the couple, unhindered by external parties such as mother in laws who in this instance, has her own selfish interests at hand.

The mother in law is a Single mother, migrated from Chile with my wife. Her husband cheated on her and as such, she does have an anti-male attitude about her and sees most men as cheats. Added to this, my wife has been raised in such an environment, has been previously married to another guy before me, they had a daughter, then divorced 12 years ago. So then I come along, support my wife and step daughter yet from day 1 I'm approached by the Mother in law who tells me, "I can not truly welcome or love another person in my daughters life as she has been through a horrible experience.."

WTF is that supposed to mean!? I don't even have a foot in the door and I'm, already being negatively branded.

So you see, in 12 years, I have often been branded as potentially cheating should another person of the opposite gender look my way. Even on my Linkedin profile, I have had to remove Female clients from my contacts because she is jealous and fearful. So stupid when there are greater issues happening in the world. For a guy who works and returns home, hardly goes out, it's insulting and now through all this, divorcing because obliviously this can not be sustained and she refuses to get help and speak to someone about her issues which pre date my coming into her life. It is so unfair because in all this, I now have a 7 year old son to this woman and both his and my life are now affected. It breaks my heart.

Looking back at this rant, in all honesty I'm grateful there is a thread on this because I've wanted to do one on the same topic but didn't wish to bother anyone. But now I see, I'm not the only one in a similar situation.

Thanks for reading

[Colt45]

Good thing nobody's spouses or outlaws are able to read any of this and hold it against them......

[MIKA27]

Good thing nobody's spouses or outlaws are able to read any of this and hold it against them......

I couldn't care less if they did.