rugby's greatest (kiwi) thinkers

[Ken Gargett]

the stuck-in-the-mud reds may have bowed out for this year and sadly, i suspect every single reds player, especially the coach, is dumber than this collection - who could play!

and there might be a few aussies tossed in.

and for anyone wondering about murray mexted, who does appear a lot in this list, he married a miss world and was one of the three greatest number 8's in the history of the game. (along with wayne shelford, with both of them close behind mark loane).

"Nobody in Rugby should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - (Jono Gibbs - Chiefs)

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." - (Rodney So'ialo - Hurricanes) on University

"You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." - (Colin Cooper - Hurricanes head coach)

Chris Masoe (Hurricanes) on whether he had visited the Pyramids during his visit to Egypt : "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." - Colin Cooper on Paul Tito

Kevin Senio (Auckland), on Night Rugby vs Day Games "It's basically the same, just darker."

David Nucifora (Auckland) talking about Troy Flavell "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'David, I don't know and I don't care.'

David Holwell (Hurricanes) when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to reach for 150 or 200 points this season, whichever comes first."

"Andy Ellis - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago"(Murray Mexted)

"Colin has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator." (Ma'a Nonu)

"He scored that try after only 22 seconds - totally against the run of play." (Murray Mexted)

"We actually got the winning try three minutes from the end but then they scored." (Phil Waugh-Waratahs)

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." (Jerry Collins)

"That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical." (Tony Brown)

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." (Tana Umaga)

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in rugby - but none of them serious." (Doc Mayhew)

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." (Anton Oliver)

"I would not say he (Rico Gear) is the best left winger in the Super 14, but there are none better." (Murray Mexted)

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." (Ewan McKenzie)

Murray Deaker: "Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?" Tana Umaga: "On what?"

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw."(Murray Mexted)

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."(Murray Mexted)

[ogus]

Could there be 15 Yogi Berra?

[Jimm902]

agreed Ken not a very good season for the Reds...tahs by far the best Aussie team, and my beloved brumbies have fallen short towards the end of the season again after a promising start....I feel a total clean out of reds management required amongst other things and keeping the local players before they get signed up by the southern counterparts...as dumb as the kiwi quotes are, once that all black jersey is put on they make us Aussies look like amateurs on the field...let's hope this year we can make a better showing in the bledisloe & Tri nations...World Cup less than 100 days away...

[Hunter1974]

too damn funny

[frenchkiwi]

LOL it's a pity these are not genuine but copy-pasted from American sports quotes websites.

http://www.allowe.com/laughs/book/Sport%20Quotations.htm

Murray Mexted would have filled up a page that big with his own genuinely puzzling quotes.

*Quick google*

In fact, here they are, this is the real deal folks, Enjoy!

The iconic rugby commentator is stepping away from the mic - read the most absurd and hilarious quotes from the legendary Murray Mexted.

"Andy Ellis - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago"

"He scored that try after only 22 seconds - totally against the run of play."

"I would not say he (Rico Gear) is the best left winger in the Super 14, but there are none better."

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw."

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."

"There's a couple of Hores on display tonight" (the brothers Charlie Hore (Highlanders) and Andrew Hore (Hurricanes) playing on opposing teams)

"As you know, I've been pumping Marty Leslie for a couple of years now."

"You don't like to see hookers going down on players like that."

"This game is a white wash, but the All Blacks are black, these no white teams!"

"I haven't had a knee operation on any other part of my body."

"He's looking for some meaningful penetration into the backline."

"Spencer's running across field calling out, 'come inside me, come inside me.'"

"I can tell you it's a magnificent sensation when the gap opens up like that and you just burst right through."

"I don't like this new law, because your first instinct when you see a man on the ground is to go down on him"

"Darryl Gibson has been quite magnificent coming inside Andrew Mehrtens, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of the same today."

"There's nothing that a tight forward likes more than a loosie right up his backside"

"Its all tied up at 14-13"

"Trapped like a shag on the rocks" (RWC07 Georgia vs Argentina)

"He ran like a bat" (RWC07 Georgia vs Argentina)

“There’s lots of hooters over here Nisbo.”

"He who hesitates......is lost."

"Both sides are here to play rugby."

A Sky TV producer was conducting a sound test before the last Springbok test at Carisbrook...

"Murray can you hear me?....Murray can you hear me?" Murray: "No."

"The turf here (Newlands) never took properly and it isn't very well rooted...in fact you could say it is rooted.....did I just say that?". (N.B. rooted means something similar to screwed, a root in New Zealand/Australian slang means sex)

"Paul Tito looked like a blind man in a brothel, just left groping."

"The lineouts of course are a great artform, I've always fantisized about lineouts, even in my sleep sometimes..."

"Well it was a great kick. We know Matthew Cooper's got tremendous rhythm now, he's smooth, smooth as a baby's bum... By Joves, that didn't slip out did it?"

"It's very easy to be exposed as an open side (flanker) if you don't have your mate up your backside"

"Well it still does it for me, the tingle up the spine, the tingle in the loins"

"Isn't that an interesting scene, the two coaches, Nick Mallett and John Hart. By Joves times have changed haven't they. In the old days they'd be punching each other in that position." - (The two former coaches of the respective South African and New Zealand rugby teams were shown seated together in a grandstand).

After a 2005 British & Irish Lions series match, talking about referee Stuart Dickinson, Tony Johnson states "Stuart Dickinson had far too much to say in this match", then Murray replies "Stuart Dickinson's a bit of a ****, I think"

"And he kicks it with his left-handed foot"

Eleven minutes into the Wellington versus Canterbury game 2009 Murray announced "There's a lot to happen in this game yet"

[Ken Gargett]

i got four in and they were all ones from the original piece???? not american?

[Overproof]

Haha classic.

[frenchkiwi]

i got four in and they were all ones from the original piece???? not american?

someone on the web has been mixing and matching for our pleasure... which is all good fun ... clearly mexted doesn't need the help!

Supplementary question: What are the greatest on-field rugby quotes?

Umaga's "It's not tiddlywinks, ref" is a recent one that comes to mind... must be piles of others out there?

[Ken Gargett]

tim hora

someone on the web has been mixing and matching for our pleasure... which is all good fun ... clearly mexted doesn't need the help!

Supplementary question: What are the greatest on-field rugby quotes?

Umaga's "It's not tiddlywinks, ref" is a recent one that comes to mind... must be piles of others out there?

my faves are a couple tim horan told me years ago.

in the 91 world cup quarter, ireland scored very late to take the lead and it looked like we would not even get the chance to knock your blokes out. lynagh is trying to calm everyone down and a very young jason little is running around quite frantic as he has put dry cleaning in and has no idea who'll collect it if we have to go early.

anyway, the plan is kick off deep, they'll kick out so we get the lineout (pre when lifting allowed), backline movement and we score and win. so we kick off deep, ireland responds by kicking back as expected though it doesn't go out. but campo then sticks out his mitt and knocks it into touch. so they get the lineout and the plan stuffed. as they reach the lineout, ireland gives out its call in code of course. eales, then about 19 years old, was up against the famous donal lenihan. as he hears the call, lenihan goes, 'oh, F*****, not me again'. so eales wins the lineout, we score in the corner and win by a point.

then in the final, after campo knocked your blokes out, there was a moment when it was very close and will carling (english capt for those not familiar and a bit of a divisive figure as he had been bonking lady di and was apparently not loved by all his players - horan told me that he and little still called him mr carling in those days) tackled someone who was trying to make a break down the wing. simon poidevin came over the top and belted him. carling got up and yelled at derek bevan, the ref - "sir, someone struck me in the back of the head. i demand he be sent off'.

bevan apologises and and says he did not see who did it. did carling know who was the culprit.

at this stage, the other players have all caught up and before carling can respond, farr-jones says to bevan, 'oh sir, it could have been any of the 29 of us'.