Food Poisoning, Cholera, Yabby Pumps, Nate. Cuba Day 2.

[El Presidente]

It was a great night in Vinales on the Saturday night post the beach party at Cayo Jutiya.

We all had dinner together at Olivios in the main street restaurant. I had the mixed seafood grill....excellent.

One of our 28 party had Duck.

Has anyone ever seen a duck in Cuba? I am pretty sure I haven't

Well....our good mate Nate ordered the Duck and post dinner we headed off to a local nightlclub. Nate started feeling a little bit seedy and headed home to his Casa. He worsened the next day but kudos to him he did the horse ride through the Vinales valley and the Prieto farm trip. By the end of the Prieto farm trip however he was going downhill fast. On the two and a half hour trip back to Havana he was in serious pain, lost all colour and had difficulty focusing. The minute we touched back at our house I had him in a cab and we both headed to the Cira Garcia hospital not more than 10 minutes from our house.

On the cab ride over I told Nate a few things:

1. Two of us are going into hospital and two of us are coming out of hospital. I would stay with him as long as it took and I wouldn't leave him behind.

2. I think it would be a great opportunity for him to have a full check up including a colonoscopy and Prostate Exam. I could arrange both for him.

Nate was thankful of the first statement.........and slightly terrified of the second knowing I spoke Spanish and have a warped sense of humour

I have been to the Cira Garcia many times over the years either taking myself or others. It is my medical Gato Tuerto!

Nate was in a bad way upon arrival and as always the team at Garcia had him in the medical room quick smart.

I had a quick word with the doctor outside and he was all in on the joke. Upon examining Nate he would mention it would be a good time to request a full Colonoscopy and Prostate exam……which he did….and I can still hear Nates….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

The laughs stopped pretty much straight after that. Well….not that Nate was laughing much at all given the pain he was in but whatever smirk he had on his face was wiped when he saw the needle that was about the size of a Yabby Pump and was quickly inserted into his buttock. Crikey I was screaming just looking at it!

A couple of horse pills followed and I thought we would be good to go. Big mistake.

Doctor Jovial had by this stage decided that Nate needed to be tested for Cholera….which would be at another hospital (a long way away) and that he would not be able to leave until he gave a stool sample which would be tested and it would be given the all clear.

“Really Doc….he ate Duck?...How many Ducks have you seen in Cuba?”

Now I knew at this stage it had all gotten a little too serious. You see, they had Nate’s ID, Cuban address and the paperwork for Cholera testing had been lodged.

In order that we would not escape, they pulled up an ambulance to take us to the Hospital that handled contagious diseases. Yes…nice way to spend a Sunday night!

Does anyone know what is in the back of a Cuban Ambulance?

The answer is Nothing! They do have a hell of a siren though

So off we go to the Hospital Mariposa in the back of an ambulance. We travelled for close to an hour and I still don’t know where it is.

I was in fine form.

“Nate…..do you need any oxygen?.....I can open a window mate“

“Piss off” was the best I could get out of him.

“Nate….I can open the back doors and we can “Tuck and Roll” out of here!....the hardest part will be the roll”

“I’m dying and that is the best you can come up with!”

“ Nate: How far apart are the spasms? Breathe through your mouth…work through the pain, open your legs”

“That’s delivering a baby you idiot!”

OK so we got there. It was around 11pm at that stage and the hospital was dark. Nate was taken to a special wing, admitted and taken to a room that had one bed trolley, a chair and a separate bedpan with a plastic bag underneath. The place looked like it had been robbed.

Can I say here that the doctor and staff were brilliant. I was only a little perturbed when I was requested to go buy Nate bottled water …….about a two kilometre walk away.

Now having returned with enough bottled water for the evening, Nate was having a little difficulty in fulfilling the “stool department”. Really it wasn’t difficult to fathom why as he couldn’t keep anything in either end all day + the 4 imodium tablets he took on the bus.

I tried to get a smile out of him by explaining I had trained my Dog Cohiba to stool on demand back home. “Cohiba.... Stool” and it would all be done. “Nate... Stool” didn’t work at all. Mind you it took 2 months to train Cohiba and he was a bright dog.

Where were we?

Yes! Nate was in the crapper (figuratively and literally). He could see his week in Cuba bonded to the contagious wing of a hospital. I had already lost Mus at the airport and had no intent of losing Nate on day 2 as it would look bad on my resume as a tour guide to be batting 100% after the opening 48 hours.

I had a long conversation with the medical team and used the best of my medical knowledge to discuss the situation.

“Has anyone ever seen a duck in Cuba? He ate Duck….it is food poisoning people…food poisoning and not Cholera!”

We consulted for some minutes. Paperwork was exchanged . We were free to go.

Foisted onto the local freeway, we waived down a 1950’s Dodge truck and paid 10 CUC to get us the hell out of there. He had never been to our part of the world on the water at la Puntila. He played Boney M on the stereo all the way home.

No day in Cuba ever ends up as you expect.

Nate made a full recovery the next day. He gave birth to a healthy delivery two days later.

Back of the Ambulance contemplating the "Tuck and Roll"

it wasn't in the brochure

[WarriorPrincess]

and that is from Nate

[Dimmers]

so much awesome in that post

[Hash]

You are a good friend.

[LordAnubis]

Ahahahahahahahaha. I can't believe he passed on the opportunity for a good old prostate check. You know how expensive they are in aus !?!?! . That's the only thing I like about the treatment I get from airport security

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[NJP]

Well done gents.

[Troels]

Ahahahahahahahaha. I can't believe he passed on the opportunity for a good old prostate check. You know how expensive they are in aus !?!?! . That's the only thing I like about the treatment I get from airport security

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LOL :-D

[amosnaim]

Ha! Histeric!!!

[IPORTER]

Fairplay to you Pres!! Good to know the FOH'ers have a guardian angel in Cuba when things go ***'s up!

[Fuzz]

Aww, poor Nate! Will have to ask him for his side of the story when I next see him.

[madandana]

Thanks for sharing the story Rob. We were relieved to see Nate at the pool the next day having a cocktail,smile on his face And alive.

[jeremyk]

Great story

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[leftimatic]

The brotherhood of the leaf at it's finest. Good show and great story.

[nutcracker]

Excellent Rob. Now I do feel a tad gulty as Nate and I had debated which main course to have. Eventually I opted for the rabbit (in chocolate sauce) and he did the duck. Could have been the other way around!!!

Are you sure it wasn't all the wine Foxy was feeding him?

[habanolover]

...Wow! Glad all worked out well!

[topdiesel]

All kidding aside, you are a great host. I could only imagine how awful things could have gone for Nate had he been left to fend for himself in that physical state y no habla espanol.

Bravo

[FLB03TT]

You're a good man Rob, with a bright future in Cuban medical diagnostics !

[MPS]

Lmfao that's the Cuba I know!

[Zedman05]

I have seen a duck in Cuba. We went on an excursion a week before this last festival to a farm outside Matanzas, where I took pictures of all kinds of things. I didn't really ever think a duck picture was important, or ever share-worthy...but...

Cigar F^iend

[El Presidente]

Brilliant

[Guest rob]

Lol, so now there is only one duck left in Cuba!

[tmac77]

Well done Rob. A mate never leaves a friend behind.. or in this case looks after his behind.

I have indeed experienced a trip in a Cuban ambulance. this past May had to take my Granddaughter from Varadero to the children's hospital in Matanzas (doctor at the clinic in Varadero insisted that she must be tested for meningitis.). No siren and not much in the way of seating in the back. They actually got a chair from the clinic in Varadero and simply placed it in the back of the so called ambulance for me to sit on. The hospital was not the one for tourists but for local cubans and the state of it was as if it were in a war zone. Broken windows and doors. Dogs and cats running around and nothing in the way of equipment for testing. After 6 hours of trying to persuade them that my granddaughter does not need a lumbar punch with my broken Spanish and phone calls to my insurer we managed to make the paperwork go away and head back to our hotel. Fortunately we made it back in time to pack and catch our flight back to Toronto.

Once back in Toronto a 15 min visit to the doctor.... ear infection.

[GottaBeKD]

That is awesome. There are easier ways to get a prostate exam in Cuba tho.

Glad it's just stories at the end of the day

[Pilsner14]

Definately Autentica! Crazy **** goes down in that country.

[Fosgate]

With friends like these, who needs an enima?

Maybe a suggestion for next time.