Understanding Girlfriends/Wives/Partners

[Philski]

She could smear me in pigshit, and I would still follow HER anywhere

[Brickhouse]

My first wife did not support the hobby in any way. I would sit outside and have a cigar and she would give me dirty looks from the window. I would have to come in, change cloths, take a shower, brush my teeth...and so on.

We divorced 5 years ago.

I remarried a woman who has bought me cigars as gifts on numerous occasions. Done.

[nonameno]

Hi Fellow FOHers,

Well, I am in the same boat. My wife pretty much threatened divorce and is making me sell most of my cigar collection (some of which have gone to members of this Forum). I only smoked occassionaly as well at maybe one a week. She cites the health issues with reports from the Mayo Clinic and how much life killing stuff is in tobacco. I tell her that these studies are generally only cigarette related and then they extrapolate to cigars as being even worse becaue they are bigger and therefore more tobacco! There really is no talking sense or moderation at all...its black and white with her...smoke cigars and you will DIE!!!

Brokenhearted in the snow,

Curtiss

[jangoman88]

My wife isnt crazy about it and doesnt really question the cost of the hobby. I actually have a separate account that my paycheck goes into and I save a little here and there for purchases. She's aware that i do it and I do tell her the same thing about shopping when she buys when we really dont need it regardless of its on sale. However if thats her "hobby" then I'm fine with it because I know she'll only buy when its a sale or discounted/clearance.

I have a young daughter, 3, and she always asks me what im doing and I tell her. When I ask her what im holding she says " its a cigar daddy" but I try to keep it clean as in showering/changing clothes when I come back into the house as to not drive anyone nuts.

[jangoman88]

Hi Fellow FOHers,

Well, I am in the same boat. My wife pretty much threatened divorce and is making me sell most of my cigar collection (some of which have gone to members of this Forum). I only smoked occassionaly as well at maybe one a week. She cites the health issues with reports from the Mayo Clinic and how much life killing stuff is in tobacco. I tell her that these studies are generally only cigarette related and then they extrapolate to cigars as being even worse becaue they are bigger and therefore more tobacco! There really is no talking sense or moderation at all...its black and white with her...smoke cigars and you will DIE!!!

Brokenhearted in the snow,

Curtiss

My wife tried bringing that up about cigarettes and from my knowledge cigarettes are worse with all the crap they put into them, I try and say that cigars are more "natural" and less processed as in no fiberglass and all that nasty gunk in cigarettes. I could be way off but its my way of thinking haha

[DrunkenMonkey]

Hi Fellow FOHers,

Well, I am in the same boat. My wife pretty much threatened divorce and is making me sell most of my cigar collection (some of which have gone to members of this Forum). I only smoked occassionaly as well at maybe one a week. She cites the health issues with reports from the Mayo Clinic and how much life killing stuff is in tobacco. I tell her that these studies are generally only cigarette related and then they extrapolate to cigars as being even worse becaue they are bigger and therefore more tobacco! There really is no talking sense or moderation at all...its black and white with her...smoke cigars and you will DIE!!!

Brokenhearted in the snow,

Curtiss

That's heartbreaking just to read. I'm sorry for your troubles. I hope things turn around for you, and your wife changes her thinking.

[Dourowino]

Wow I must be one lucky SOB, my wife loves smoking cigars also. She even has her own humidor filled with R&J cigars (thats her brand)

[hebbe72]

The health argument went out the window when I countered; If I stop smoking cigars wont make any difference, I will still die eventually.

As long as I am open about my purchases she is fine with my hobby.

[drjammer]

My wife not only enjoys one every now and then but she will tell me when I have had a bad day to go enjoy a cigar and unwind

[jdo2110]

At Isotonic: My concern for you is that this is your

Girlfriend. Of course I don't know how long you have been together, but I've made the mistake one too many times to acquiesce to a girlfriend.

It was my way of showing that I was polite and considerate. That ALWAYS bit me in the ass!!

Your girlfriend doesn't "like" cigars, but that doesn't mean it's something she can't learn to deal with. As mentioned above, explain to her that this is not about the smell, cost, etc. ; you smoke in moderation, so you already have that on your side. Express the great relaxation and peace that comes from it, which allows you to clear your head and actually be more understanding of her and her likes and desires. The more you are closed off from the things that YOU enjoy, the greater resentment you'll have to the things that she does. Then there will be underlying tension.

If cigars in moderation are a deal breaker, I'm afraid there could be much worse issues at hand.

[jdo2110]

At Nonameno:

Marriage is a whole different ball game, and I'm truly sorry for your troubles. I wish and hope the best for you, brother!! Be well

[perfectform]

Well unfortunately this may not be of any help, but what worked for me is letting her know right from the get go that yes, I smoke cigars regularly and if you can't handle that, well, I'm not changing. And lo and behold she stayed, and we're engaged. haha.

[LGC]

A simple lesson I've learned....

Don't try to change who you are in order to appease someone, and never expect this of another person. It never benefits anyone.

[Orion21]

Sorry to hear about your troubles. My wife hates my habit too. Before we were married I heard almost nothing about my occasional cigar smoking on the golf course or with her Dad. When we got married I smoked a cigar at our wedding with friends and got dirty looks. Now that we have kids my wife hates cigars. Women, for the most part, are very black and white. We are more gray. My wife thinks of my hobby as a stinky, cancer inducing habit and no amount of logic will change that thinking. Now I only smoke when she is out of town, but I will never sell my collection. We have had several very heated arguments over the years, but you will not win my friend. If she is your girlfriend now this will only get worse. You have to make a tough decision between:

1) Putting your foot down and telling her you love cigars and you will not stop smoking and her issues are unreasonable and hope she relents.

2) Curtail your smoking to the point she will hopefully LET you do what you want to do.

3) Tell her that smoking cigars is part of who you are and if she doesn't like it she can find someone else.

4) Give in and let her decide what interests you can have going forward.

Here is the catch. If you smoked cigars before you met and she knew, then these new demands are unfair. If you didn't smoke cigars and this hobby is new it is fair for her to tell you how she feels. You can decide to put your foot down, and risk breaking up over a cigar hobby, or you can give in and quit. It all comes down to how much you want to be with this girl. Either way you are in for a rough road. Breakups are rough, but so is losing your identity and free will to another person. You choose my friend. Good luck.

[madandana]

She just wants me to do what makes me happy. She's always saying "Honey, you should have a drink and a Cigar" No kidding.

As far as the financial part of it- I alway nag her when the shoe deliveries show up so now when I receive a package there is good natured back and forth....and I have eased up on the nagging her. Everybody's happy.

[Mr.T]

Count me in the lucky pile too. From the very beginning my wife knew I enjoyed smoking cigars and understands the pleasure and peace it brings me. I don't smoke much at all in the winter, but come summer you'll find me on the porch enjoying my smokes once my daughter is down for bed. My wife will on occasion join me outside and as long as I clean up good before going to bed all is good in the world

[LeafLover]

Tell her that this is your way of relaxing. You could be out there at bars spending hours relaxing in that scene. But, you would rather stay home with her and the kids and relax with a cigar. Health-wise, tell her you don't inhale. Be matter of fact with the whole explanation.

Keep your pimp hand strong brotha!

[stogieluver]

One of the lucky ones. My wife (the second) lets me smoke inside because she couldn't stand to see me sweating and fighting mosquitoes in the summer or shivering in the winter (yes it can get cold here in the deep south).

One bit of advice: don't settle for a woman who tries to change and control you. It won't last. If it does, it will only last because you have given up doing things you enjoy. Life's too short, my man.

My first marriage lasted 22 years. About 20 years of that I was miserable. My second marriage, now 11 years, is to my very best friend whom I have everything in common with and life is wonderful. Don't settle.

[Habana Mike]

My wife of 28 years is fine with my cigars and is a fine women, but you know what they say:

And a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke.

[TiminBC]

A good woman is hard to find but a great,well balanced, aged cigar is worth waiting for a great woman.

[CUBANO]

Just do what I did. Marry a Cuban woman.

[Trevor2118]

Having Girlfriends/Wives/Partners.....fantastic!

Understanding Girlfriends/Wives/Partners........impossible!

[Isotonic]

Haha some great responses. Sounds like a bar full of old boys vent about their hugs and kisses. My gf is a sensational bird who I will soon marry. She is pretty understanding now and would have no problem with the occasional smoke. Guess I was really trying to hear more about those who enjoyed them a little more frequently and had to deal with those "looks". Appreciate the feedback. It's definitely something I won't stop persisting with. I am taking the gradual approach and see if that works

[jdo2110]

You said it all: "a good bird." You're obviously a considerate man, and she's a considerate woman. Relationships are all about compromise.

Have fun with it!

Orion: love reading your posts. Brophy runs deep in them ; )

[Drguano]

My tale is inverted. When I met my wife, she was a cigarette smoker. She smoked in her apartment, in her car etc. When things were becoming serious (and I wasn't sure if I wanted them to), I told her that I could not see getting involved with a smoker. What does she do? Quits smoking. We were wed 15 years ago. A few years after we married, I was flying through Amsterdam and saw the humidor in Duty Free. Hmmm… Wonder if I could get some of these Cuban cigars through customs. I bought a packet of Cohiba Siglo IVs and brought them home. At the 4th of July BBQ, I brought them out for the lads and fired them up. Hey, these are tasty! My wife was amused when I bought some more and she still is amused. She never misses the opportunity to point out the irony and quote me from the past when I actually said "Lips that touch tobacco will never touch mine!" Good bird. She is happy she quit and sees how a stogie is my way of unwinding.