Confrontation

[Justmi]

Hello all,

A couple of months ago, I was waiting for my wife to buy a cupcake at a pop-up stall. A drunken man in the queue tried to scam the shopkeeper by saying he was expecting more change than he was due (he gave a fiver and claimed he gave twenty). My wife decided to pipe up as she saw the note and defended the shopkeeper. The drunken man screamed at wife that he was going to beat her if she said another word. I came in from his blind-spot and shoved him out of the queue and continued to push him backwards until he ran off. He was in his fifties and I'm in my thirties. We left with my wife shaken from the experience. That confrontation left a bitter aftertaste with me as I'm a docile person and maybe in hindsight I should have stepped in between them and tackled the situation in a more civil way.

What are your thoughts?

[dafrey23]

It's a heat of the moment thing. You probably felt your wife was in danger and you just reacted to protect her. Pretty normal. Yeah, it would have been better had you found a way to talk the situation through, but it's hard to expect people who don't deal with confrontations like this every day to handle it perfectly.

[Ryan]

A drunk man threatened to physically assault your wife.

The Dalai Lama would say you did right thing.

[sk00ts]

But did you get the cupcake???

....I would have done the same thing by the way

[Perla]

A drunk man threatened to physically assault your wife.

The Dalai Lama would say you did right thing.

From a woman point of view - you are totally right.

[jdo2110]

I'm a docile person by nature (or nurture),

But I also grew up in a neighborhood where

You HAD to defend yourself. You did the right

Thing... But more than that, you didn't do anything

Wrong. A shove, a punch, no big deal. Beating him to a pulp... That's different. What if you hadn't asserted yourself and somehow he was able to hurt either of you, even if by the slightest chance?

You ended it quickly, and nothing more came of it. Like yello said, if someone threatens my wife/loved ones, they better get outa my way...

[Orion21]

Any right minded person would have done what you did. It would have been different if they were ONLY arguing about the change. He threatened to beat her if she continued to talk. You were 100% in the right to get him away from her anyway you could. A hot head is someone who acts without thinking and without enough information to react in the appropriate way. You had enough just cause when he threatened her.

Additionally, you should feel proud!!! You shouldn't be second guessing yourself and I hope your wife was VERY grateful later on . . .

[coblos]

I had a similar incident about 12 months ago that was captured on CCTV. Like you I had all those thoughts of how I should have handled the situation differently, how it could have ended badly etc. A day later I saw the video footage and realised how quickly everything had happened and how little time I had to make a decission and react.

Based on the description of your incident you had to make a quick decission, basically do something or do nothing. You made the correct decission.

[al321]

No question you did the right thing! In fact, I would say you handled it with grace. Many would have been violent and you weren't...impressive!

[oliverdst]

In a regular situation I would try to avoid the confrontation but if my family is in the arguing...

[Skyfall]

The drunkard would not have been able to walk out at the end of a confrontation if it was me.

But if it's still bothering you after what you phrased to be "a couple of months ago" , then clearly it is not "normal" behavior for you and your conscience is telling you that something is wrong.

I would have woken up the next morning with cupcake crumbs on my face, ice on my hands and not even thought twice about the situation.

[Overproof]

Hello all,

A couple of months ago, I was waiting for my wife to buy a cupcake at a pop-up stall. A drunken man in the queue tried to scam the shopkeeper by saying he was expecting more change than he was due (he gave a fiver and claimed he gave twenty). My wife decided to pipe up as she saw the note and defended the shopkeeper. The drunken man screamed at wife that he was going to beat her if she said another word. I came in from his blind-spot and shoved him out of the queue and continued to push him backwards until he ran off. He was in his fifties and I'm in my thirties. We left with my wife shaken from the experience. That confrontation left a bitter aftertaste with me as I'm a docile person and maybe in hindsight I should have stepped in between them and tackled the situation in a more civil way.

What are your thoughts?

Dude got off lightly. I would have broken his jaw drunk or not. The fact that he threatened your mrs...who know what this prick does behind closed doors.

Sometimes street justice is the best justice.

[Ginseng]

It is clear you reacted instinctively and reasonably proportionate to the perceived threat. That is the best that any of us, who are not trained to deal with this type of situation on a regular basis, could be expected to deliver. I probably would have reacted similarly.

From the safety of my office, as I consider what my response would be in this situation should I encounter it in the future, I think I would open with one firm shove and a verbal warning delivered in a loud command voice. That alone would buy a moment, a pause for consideration and assessment. This alone might have scared him off.

There's no point in second guessing. However, there is value in thinking this over an possibly giving yourself a more considered option next time.

Wilkey

[Rushman]

The fact that you didn't put him on the deck shows restraint on your part.

---

I am here: http://maps.google.com/maps?ll=19.390043,-81.404452

[riazp]

Some drunk guy threated my lady, i would not have been as nice as you, I would have slugged the guy for sure, aimed right for the bridge of the nose...see the nose, its easy to break, it only takes 9 pounds of pressure to break a nose...anyways. GOOD for you man. Defend your family

[stogieluver]

You did the right thing. I would have lost it and beat the guy until someone pulled me off. Probably would have been sued by the idiot.

You should quit feeling guilty about it and forget it. It apparently is eating at you. Don't let that idiot do that to you. You're the good guy, proven by the fact that you didn't over react.

[cigcars]

It wouldn't be the first time nor will it definitely be the last time some bozo "badass" with a mouthful of sass and threats against a woman - will quickly pipe down, run off, tail between his legs chicken if another man steps in and buffalo's him in her defense. Way to go, bro, way to go

[Smallclub]

I would have broken his jaw drunk or not. …

Sometimes street justice is the best justice.

This is not justice, it's retaliation…

[Skyfall]

This is not justice, it's retaliation…

Oh c'mon.

[DrunkenMonkey]

This is not justice, it's retaliation…

Those two aren't mutually exclusive. Retaliation can be justice.

[Smooth]

The fact you are even thinking about it after two months shows you are a very good person.

You just did what your amygdala is trained to do, defend from threat. And you did it with much restraint.

Well done IMO

[CaptainQuintero]

You did right, enough to end the situation and not enough to warrant police involvement, good show and shows the merit of your personality.

Those who beat their drum the loudest going to a fight are the ones who drop their drumsticks and turn tail first..

[Dozerhead]

I know it is easy for me to say, but I would not worry about it and move one. Your guilt is misplaced. You should feel good knowing you stepped up quickly in a potentially dangerous situation and did the right that and not be ashamed about it. When a man, in his fifties or not, threatens your wife then age doesn't matter. Who knows? He could have had a concealed weapon of some sort. I'm not a violent person either, but in a situation like that it is better to act fast and protect the one's you love. You protected your wife/family and you have every right to do that and not have a guilty conscience about it. In my opinion, if that man continues to threaten women like that then someday he will run into someone who will make sure he doesn't ever do it again.

[jangoman88]

You did the right thing, the ugly situation could have gotten worse. What if this numb nuts pulled a knife or something and went at your wife? Dont lose sleep over it, its natural to feel you did something wrong but you helped stop a situation from happening.

When I was younger I was in the mall with my g/f and we were walking up to this kiosk when some punk was arguing with this girl behind the counter...whatever happened he leaned over and slapped her in the face multiple times. We both ran over to stop it and my g/f started telling the guy off and he went after her, I stepped in and pushed the guy back and he came at me. Mind you I dont know any self defense or anything and I ended up decking the guy in the face and he fell down. By then mall security had showed up and then the police shortly after.

I got enraged when I saw him attack that girl and then tried to go at my girl, but I felt I did the right thing and stopped what could have gotten uglier.

[fozzie]

Its the fight or flight scenario, but in this case instead of self defence it was the defence of another person who was less able to make that decision for themselves without a good chance of it going wrong. To me this is even more justifiable than if you yourself were the subject of the attack. In light of this I whole-heartedly back your actions in the circumstances, for what its worth!!

I remember being in a cinema with my girlfriend, and shortly after the film started a drunken couple in the back row started arguing. I asked them (reasonably politely) to keep the noise down but got some verbal in return. So, being fairly mild mannered (despite being 6' 4" and 18st), I got up and started to walk down the steps to get a member of staff. With this the guy got up to follow me. My girlfriend thought he may attack me so shouted "look out!", so I stopped and turned round but the drunk guy overbalanced and stumbled into me, head-butting me! My first reaction was to grab him and throw him down the stairs!! I can remember watching him, in near perfect slow motion, cartwheeling down the steps and slamming into the wall at the bottom........

These things can and will happen but, as others have said, its your mental anguish at what you were capable of doing to another human being that sets you apart from those that harm at will.