How do you deal with crushing failure?

[ChanceSchmerr]

A question for everyone with a dream, an aspiration, a plan for the future........

How do you deal, cope, pick yourself off the mat and soldier on when your dream is crushed, your opportunity pulled away, and you're told you're not good enough to do something you've waited years to do?

Is it as simple as a lost weekend of cigars and Scotch to forget and reset?

I've been waiting 11 years for my chance to earn my Master's in Naval Architecture in London, UK on a Navy-Sponsored program, ever since I joined the Navy as a fresh-faced officer cadet. This is what I joined the Navy to do. This spring, I was finally selected in the latest Navy Post Grad competition on my second time applying. Everyone I've spoken to who has taken the program in previous years tells me that the hardest part is getting the Navy sponsorship, the positions are already reserved for the Navy and the school is just a tick-in-the-box, I'm going to have a great time, etc etc. I'm so excited that I can barely contain myself as I go through the overseas screening process over the last couple of months while I await the official word back from the school. I believe so much that I'm going, that I start to make plans with friends in Europe, and start to look at cigar trips to make on the continent. You can see where this is going.......

The university came back and declined my application. There were more applications than positions, and my undergrad grades were "much lower" than what's required by the school (even though the Navy saw my grades and still accepted me for the program). I am crushed, defeated, humiliated. Most of all, I am left questioning myself. Should I actually now accept that I cannot fulfill my aspirations, that a default military career is the card I've been given to play, a mediocre career path leading towards a soul-crushing desk-job that pays the bills but leaves my spirit hollow each and every work day?

In the end, I'm sure I will bounce back. I'll find ways to improve my application, take courses to prove myself academically, and I'll put in again for it next year, and apply as soon as it's physically possible to apply for the Masters from the University. But in the meantime, I find it very hard to focus now, all I can think about is how much of a failure I am, if I will ever get another Navy sponsorship selection, how I could have lost this opportunity and how stupid and short-sighted I was to let distractions get the best of me during my undergrad .

I'm sure we've all faced setbacks in one way or another. How do you deal with it, what gets you through or got you through? I will be fine, but it'd sure help to hear how others shook off the pain.

Thanks, all....

[El Presidente]

Chin up mate!

Work out the path to get what you want. Confirm that path is correct (consult with the decision makers). Adjust path plan. Execute.

[jay8354]

If you don't have or known failures, you will not work towards and enjoy the success that will come.

Dust yourself off, confirm goals, re-focus and try again.

[Guest rob]

Adjust path plan. Execute.

this is critical to success of any sort - great advice.

Good luck, brother.

[canadianbeaver]

Hey there Chris. Sorry to hear this news. Fortunately you are a young great guy with an amazing new wife and support system. The gratitude we all share for your dedication to serving our country cannot be overstated.

Push on my friend and hang out with this band of cigar lovers who are here for you.

[Natedog]

The difference between stepping stones and stumbling blocks is the character of the person walking the path. You will be fine!

[Paneotto]

When one door closes, another one opens.

[CanuckSARTech]

Hey Chris. You know my, Frank's, and Art's answers from the earlier e-mail.

Chin up, best wishes, and soldier on, brother.

Havana here we come....!!!

[stogieluver]

When one door closes, another opens. And from my experience, usually for the better. Hang in there, my friend. Things always work out for the best.

[foreese]

Chance - all good advice here. I don't have any advice. However, when I have set backs I use it as an opportunity to reevaluate goals, and I am reminded of Nietschze who said "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger". Kind Regards -Frank

[mbrody]

Turn lemons into lemonade. Channel the negative into positive. Remember that this experience will make u stronger.

[Bartolomeo]

Keep your head up bro

I went through a Divorce the last couple of years and it sucked a fat one....who grows up thinking they will be divorced one day? Well it was the right thing to do for all parties involved and all are better for it. Yes, it was difficult/taxing on mental and financial means and embarassing but I got through it and I am in a much better place than before. You will survive this set back and I am sure you can do what ever else you choose in life.

Just thank God you have your health and your family, think about the others in the world that are suffering worse than us. Say a little prayer tonight and tomorrow is a new day.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing

Bart

[Skyfall]

I'd rather be at the bottom of a ladder I want to climb, than at the top of one I don't! Keep your dream alive and create new dreams!

Also here is my daily motto:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

[MIKA27]

Hi Chris. Sorry to hear about the knock back, but that's just what it is...

It is indeed very hard for people like myself to sit back behind a computer and give advice, especially reading your post where you have pretty much assumed you were accepted, made plans and the like. Its kind of like one dreaming about winning the lotto, you make plans and spend some of or all of the winnings before you even won only to realise come the day, that you haven't.

The only thing I can say, which pretty much everyone else has had to say, is for you not to quit or give up. Hang in there, keep going for it otherwise, you will look back one day and wonder 'What if I tried just one more time"..

It is indeed easier said then done but I wish you the very best of luck. You will succeed eventually.

[DrunkenMonkey]

Chris, I'm sorry about your news. You'll get this in perspective soon. Until then, some good cigars and good whisky are both good for your thought process and contemplation, in my opinion. But whatever you do, don't settle for a career path that you know you'll detest. Your experience in the navy will serve you well if you do decide on another career path. Don't allow yourself to think of your service as time wasted, but recognize it for the valuable training it's provided you. The world is big, and there are lots of businesses that would love to have someone with your experience. Figure out what you want, and then go get it.

[orangedog]

Also here is my daily motto:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

To the original question, this is how I deal with setbacks. I have had many, and on occasion they rattle me... then I think of this and I'm briskly on my way.

[markmurase]

This is just a temporary set-back.

Believe in yourself.

[papatrips]

Reflect with some cigars then

Adapt...improvise...Overcome

[Wil]

Absolutely apply again. Rejection is often a prerequisite for acceptance. It shows self-belief and commitment.

[Upmann2009]

This is not failure. Failure when you have everything, then nothing. Standing on top of the building and thinking to jump.

[Jeremy Festa]

Indeed. Chin up. Not necessarily a failure, but a setback. It may be substantial in time, but keep your focus as it's experiences like these that make every other success just that much sweeter!

[bolivr]

Absolutely apply again. Rejection is often a prerequisite for acceptance. It shows self-belief and commitment.

That's it. You haven't failed until you give up.

Its also no failure to think about what else you could do.

You have a lot to offer in a lot of areas so enjoy a good size cigar and map out what is important to you and where you can make a contribution.

Go for it!

[Fuzz]

Agreed, this is not a failure, just a setback.

Sooner or later, everyone will get hit by a setback some time in their life. What you do with that setback will determine your future. Re-assess what you need to achieve your goals and push onwards to success.

Remember, there's no such thing as a mediocre career... unless you let it be mediocre. Continue to strive to be the best at whatever you do and you will shine.

[finecigar]

Sorry about the declined application. If I were you I would try to think of the positive. Find the tiny light hidden inside this overwhelming new darkness. Although it will require hard work and dedication, taking extra classes and pushing your grades to achieve this goal will only make you a man with even more knowledge, experience, and drive to put forward. I believe that everything happens for a reason. And although your mind may seem clouded.. Know that it's temporary and I suggest you keep on keeping on- let this declined app to push you above and beyond the expected limits, you can do it ! Good luck and I wish you the best man

[aes8]

1. Call yourself a whaaaaabalance and while you're waiting throw yourself a pity party.

2. Pour your best dram and smoke your best stick. While your smoking and drinking put together a plan, I mean a rock solid plan to accomplish your goal (remember you said they just has more apps than positions). Seek advice if necessary.

3. Work your plan. (Note: revisions and adjustments may and are sometimes necessary).

4. Repeat 1and 2 as necessary.