When Insults had class...

[OZCUBAN]

When Insults Had Class

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:

She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea."

He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.. if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx.

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[AussieCanuck]

Some great quotes there. Good to see Paul Keating on the list....I'm sure he had a few more that could be added.

[Warren]

I'm going to have to start using some of those.

[Ophidion]

My favorite insult I use for particularly nasty customers is "I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are."

I use it a lot

[mazolaman]

"He was a very modest man, for he had much to be modest about."----Oscar Wilde.

[Ginseng]

Perceptive, witty, supremely trenchant.

Brilliant. These were elegant insults for a more civilized age.

Wilkey

[Fuzz]

I wouldn't call it a more civilized age, but definitely a more eloquent one.

[AndrewNR]

Superb.

[cigcars]

I'm going to have to start using some of those.

*Ditto!

[dangolf18]

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

That's the best insult I've heard in quite a while. LMAO