Newspapers and Deathstar

[El Presidente]

Arrived at the airport yesterday afternoon to find I had accidentally booked Jetstar which is Qantas’s ugly sister budget airline. I have flown Deathstar once before (Lise accidentally booked that one for me) and It took m 6 months to burn the flight from my memory banks.

Yesterday was a packed flight. Naturally it was running 45 minutes late so I had a chance to scan the passengers which resembled a mix of Oakland raider and Collingwood fans. I had a chuckle to myself as from what I could tell I was the only one without a Tat...not that there is anything wrong with that. I boarded the plane early and took a aisle seat. The New Zeland All Black front row approached my row of seats and I got up to let them in. They would have come in at 110 kilo’s each but Tamara and Kristy were lovely women.

Just before takeoff the Jetstar manager comes up to me and asks to look at my boarding pass. Being a Platinum Qantas flyer they assumed I was lost and on the wrong plane. She was very nice and offered me an exit row which I accepted and sat next to a nice Anthropology student called Pete who had a teardrop tat under his left eye. Actually he was nice guy and we were comfortable with a seat spare in between us. All was good for takeoff until someone (not me Lise) realised they left their wallet in the tray when going through security. 30 minutes later we took off.

It is only a 90 minute flight and all was good as I read the Australian broadsheet Newspaper putting the different sections in the empty seat between us. All was good until the crew was preparing the flight for landing.

“Sir, could you please securely stow away your newspaper in the front seat pocket?”

I politely replied...”Your kidding”

The next minute was taken up with a rather direct explanation as to how a paper is still considered an “item” and that it must be stowed away for the safety of passengers.

I responded “ So you are telling me that it is possible a gust of breeze could shoot the paper through the cabin into the cockpit thereby covering the eyes of pilots plunging us into the ground in a ball of flame?”

This comment apparently required a meeting of all flight attendants. They came back and insisted. I refused. Standoff. They met again and for a minute I thought they were preparing tasers.

In the end I was permitted to continue reading the section of paper I was holding but the other parts in the middle seat needed to be stowed away. For the safety of the flight I complied.

We hit the tarmac and I flicked on my phone. Apparently on deathstar that is not permitted (while on Qantas they advise passengers to do so).

Stewardess reaches for the cabin loudspeaker “Could 11D turn off his phone immediately as it is a safety issue!”

I replied “ Could the Stewardess on the phone explain why it is a safety issue”

Still on the loudspeaker

“Mobile phones can interfere with navigation”

“Honey, we are taxiing on the tarmac! Wait...I will bring up the GPS on the phone and you can pass it to the Captain”.

General laughter on plane. No Stewardess said goodbye to me on the way out.

Bizarre

[anacostiakat]

Arrived at the airport yesterday afternoon to find I had accidentally booked Jetstar which is Qantas’s ugly sister budget airline. I have flown Deathstar once before (Lise accidentally booked that one for me) and It took m 6 months to burn the flight from my memory banks.

Yesterday was a packed flight. Naturally it was running 45 minutes late so I had a chance to scan the passengers which resembled a mix of Oakland raider and Collingwood fans. I had a chuckle to myself as from what I could tell I was the only one without a Tat...not that there is anything wrong with that. I boarded the plane early and took a aisle seat. The New Zeland All Black front row approached my row of seats and I got up to let them in. They would have come in at 110 kilo’s each but Tamara and Kristy were lovely women.

Just before takeoff the Jetstar manager comes up to me and asks to look at my boarding pass. Being a Platinum Qantas flyer they assumed I was lost and on the wrong plane. She was very nice and offered me an exit row which I accepted and sat next to a nice Anthropology student called Pete who had a teardrop tat under his left eye. Actually he was nice guy and we were comfortable with a seat spare in between us. All was good for takeoff until someone (not me Lise) realised they left their wallet in the tray when going through security. 30 minutes later we took off.

It is only a 90 minute flight and all was good as I read the Australian broadsheet Newspaper putting the different sections in the empty seat between us. All was good until the crew was preparing the flight for landing.

“Sir, could you please securely stow away your newspaper in the front seat pocket?”

I politely replied...”Your kidding”

The next minute was taken up with a rather direct explanation as to how a paper is still considered an “item” and that it must be stowed away for the safety of passengers.

I responded “ So you are telling me that it is possible a gust of breeze could shoot the paper through the cabin into the cockpit thereby covering the eyes of pilots plunging us into the ground in a ball of flame?”

This comment apparently required a meeting of all flight attendants. They came back and insisted. I refused. Standoff. They met again and for a minute I thought they were preparing tasers.

In the end I was permitted to continue reading the section of paper I was holding but the other parts in the middle seat needed to be stowed away. For the safety of the flight I complied.

We hit the tarmac and I flicked on my phone. Apparently on deathstar that is not permitted (while on Qantas they advise passengers to do so).

Stewardess reaches for the cabin loudspeaker “Could 11D turn off his phone immediately as it is a safety issue!”

I replied “ Could the Stewardess on the phone explain why it is a safety issue”

Still on the loudspeaker

“Mobile phones can interfere with navigation”

“Honey, we are taxiing on the tarmac! Wait...I will bring up the GPS on the phone and you can pass it to the Captain”.

General laughter on plane. No Stewardess said goodbye to me on the way out.

Bizarre

[ChanceSchmerr]

Classic experience, Prez - reminds me of the "fun" I had on RyanAir and the much-vaunted (yet IMO, overrated) WestJet here in Canada.

And for what it's worth - you're fine with using your phone after touchdown (as anyone with common sense already figured) - I asked my old man about that one (Air Canada Pilot, along with ex Air Force) and the answer is - frequencies that a cellphone uses can disrupt communication in the air between your plane and the ground or other aircraft - but nothing that will cause a wing to fall off or your plane to drop from the sky, and once it's on the ground, there is NOTHING that it can disrupt or safety issue it can create. Utter Nonsense, dreamt up by over-zealous airlines wanting to control every last thing.

[Colt45]

I don't know mate, I think I have to take the flight crew perspective on this one. Simple rules, easy to comply with, no need to hassle the attendants.

Kind of like a cigar forum.....

[First Lady]

I can just imagine how much you loved JetStar LOLOL are you trying to become Ken Gargett and get blocked by Qantas LOL

[asmith]

I don't know mate, I think I have to take the flight crew perspective on this one. Simple rules, easy to comply with, no need to hassle the attendants.

Kind of like a cigar forum.....

For once in my life I agree with Colt.

[Ken Gargett]

I can just imagine how much you loved JetStar LOLOL are you trying to become Ken Gargett and get blocked by Qantas LOL

the stumbling wombat and i are currently on very good terms and i'll thank you not to interfere.

i ahve warned you for years about deathstar.

i do not care how much money they offer SB, i am not flying them.

and i have recently seen qantas hosties do the same with newspapers. think it is an exit row thing.

best deathstar story was years ago on a sydney-hamilton island flight (in those days, only deathstar flew there). len evans was heading up to do the annual wine weekend for them - only time he didn't manage to fly business, i suspect. apparently the nsw premier and entourage were also up there for something. all on same flight. they have that 'sit anywhere' policy. first in.

and kids, invalids etc get to get on first. so when they are called, evans heads down and sits front row. he had a pacemaker, not that it ever slowed him, so claimed invalid status.

hostie comes up and tells him that as the nsw premier is on board, he will have to move back several rows as they will be in the front few rows.

evans refuses.

asks them if they have a sit anywhere policy.

hostie tries to explain that doesn't apply when the premier flies.

evans refuses to move.

they threaten security.

evans threatens a front page newspaper headline on how the nsw premier insisted (and to be fair to bob carr, premier at the time, i don't think he knew about any of this) that an invalid with a pacemaker be moved forcibly removed from a deathstar seat so the premier could take it.

needless to say, evans got his way and the premier got sqeezed in down the back.

[laficion]

In a world that's becoming so overly protective by controling all we do for our own good, it's nice to see that there are

still some rebels around to make this life less sterile & dull.

[sharks]

Stewardess reaches for the cabin loudspeaker “Could 11D turn off his phone immediately as it is a safety issue!”

I replied “ Could the Stewardess on the phone explain why it is a safety issue”

Still on the loudspeaker

“Mobile phones can interfere with navigation”

“Honey, we are taxiing on the tarmac! Wait...I will bring up the GPS on the phone and you can pass it to the Captain”.

General laughter on plane. No Stewardess said goodbye to me on the way out.

Bizarre

I hope the next time I'm on a flight it is with you Prez thoroughly entertaining

Sharks

[Fuzz]

Rob, considering that I'm flying out this arvo to NZ, does my association with you bunch of reprobates automatically get flagged at the counter?!

[MIKA27]

The mobile phone issue you posted about Prez baffles me.

I for one obey rules and I don't understand why Jetstar have a no telephone policy. If that was their policy, I would obide however I do have this question: "Why do others allow mobiles such as Quantas etc!?" and "Why do our mobiles now have 'Flight mode!?"

[jackohalloran]

You were dead right Rob, i would of done the exact same. and to think flight attendant used to be a glamorous job... like back in the 70/80's with beautiful stewardesses happy to help in any way... Problem is they haven't retired so you get old cranky ones who's faces look like an old leather bag now kudos

[CanuckSARTech]

Oh Rob.....

[MrGlass]

The biggest problem I have with this is you referring to them as "Deathstar". The Deathstar was awesome!

[sosamscott]

Well handled!

Jetstar is garbage. For short/budget flights your much better off with Virgin Blue IMO.

[MIKA27]

Well handled!

Jetstar is garbage. For short/budget flights your much better off with Virgin Blue IMO.

I agree.

I've never flown Jetstar as I've heard nothing but bad, bad, BAD news about them.

[dicko]

classic story Rob! Atleast all your fellow passengers were cool.

I like your story too, Ken, not the first great story I've heard about Len Evans. Same with Jack Mann in WA.

having to stow away your paper really was ridiculous Rob, but does anyone actually like the broadsheet format of The Australian ??!

[CanuckSARTech]

having to stow away your paper really was ridiculous Rob, but does anyone actually like the broadsheet format of The Australian ??!

Wait just a cotton-pickin' minute here!

Rob reads???? A NEWSPAPER?!?!?!?