Don't mess with a mature women :-)

[First Lady]

A mature (over 50) woman gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your licence please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the boot if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem, sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the boot of your car.

The woman opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driver's licence.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Don't Mess With Mature Women!

[Colt45]

Don't Mess With Mature Women!

I don't mind messing with mature women.

(did I say that out loud......)

[First Lady]

LOLOL You crack me up Honey

[CanuckSARTech]

It wasn't me....

[cigcars]

*This vacuum cleaner salesman (in the days when door-to-door salesmen made their housecalls) came to this elderly woman's home to sell her a state-of-the-art new vac. She impatiently tells him she doesn't have any money and tries to close the door. Being a no-take-no for an answer type of guy, he sticks his foot in the door and impresses his way in. "Ma'am, I assure you, you'll be able to afford this vac, it's state-of-the-art, VERY low priced...I guarantee you, you'll be able to afford it!" "I can't use a vacuum cleaner!" "Ma'am, it's so light weight, so easy to use, it practically moves itself!" "I told you I don't need, want, or am able to use this vacuum cleaner here!" "Wait, a minute," he says. He takes a scoop of horse manure, dumps it on her rug, then says, "Ma'am, whatever this vacuum cleaner doesn't get up, I'll eat what it's left. I swear on my mother's grave!" "Well," says the elderly lady, "let me get you a knife and fork. The electricity's been out for a week" ***

[rckymtn22]

Didn't think there was such thing as mature woman, aren't they stuck at a perpetual 29!

[karmaz00]

lol