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Not really a Rockwell . LOL .

"Just Wait 'Til We Get Home!" Obama with the New Prime Minister of Thailand

What do you call an Aussie with a bottle of Champagne? A waiter. What do you call a world-class Australian cricketer? Retired. What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch? A fisherman. Why can no-one drink wine in Australia at the moment? They haven't got any openers. What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies? Cinderella knew when to leave the ball. What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson? They both wore gloves for no apparent reason. Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone on the Australian cricket team? The woman who irons their cricket whites. What's the height of optimism? An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen. What do you call a cricket field full of Australians? A vacant lot. What's the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car? Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both

SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has died. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you do not know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. A GREEK CORPORATION You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks. You eat both of them. The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF. The IMF loans you two cows. You eat both of them. The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk. You are out getting a haircut. AN IRISH CORPORATION You have two cows. One of them's a horse.

The woman asked the chemist, "Do you have Viagra?" "Yes," he answered. She asked, "Does it work?" "Yes," he answered. She said, "Can you get it over the counter?" "I can, if I take two," he replied.

When Insults Had Class These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.. if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912) "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx. **********

ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER Two Different Versions.... Two Different Morals OLD VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself! MODERN VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving. Channels 7, 9 and 10,the ABC and SBS show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. Australia is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy BeingGreen.' Acorn stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' Cardinal George Pell then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake. Prime Minister Gillard condemns the ant and blames John Howard, Robert Menzies, Capt James Cook, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight. Green's Leader Christine Milne exclaims in an interview on Today Tonight that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper and calls for An immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share. Finally, Labor in conjunction with the Greens draft the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retrospective to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retrospective taxes, his home is confiscated By the Government and given to the grasshopper. The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, Just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorise the ramshackle, Once prosperous and once peaceful, neighbourhood. MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in September, 2013. I’ve sent this to you because I believe that you are an ant – not a grasshopper! Make sure that you pass this on to other ants. Don’t bother sending it on to any grasshoppers because they wouldn’t understand it, anyway.

...thanks to JK A bloke takes his goldfish to the vets. When his turn comes, he goes in and puts the bowl down on the vet's examination table and explains to the vet that he is concerned that his goldfish is epileptic. The vet walks round the bowl eyeing the fish from different angles and eventually shakes his head and says "Your fish seems perfectly normal to me". The bloke says "No wait a moment, I haven't taken him out of the bowl yet!"